Multi-purpose, multi-angular, multi-dysfunctional observ-o-rama

Old Vinyl, New Life

2009-05-08T22:27:00.001-07:00

I often tend to approach my hobbies with a collector's mentality. Unfortunately, this means I always have shelves overflowing with media, not to mention the never ending search for storage solutions. Still, the hook always comes in the form of those random, unexpected finds.

Once a week or so, I'll stop into a Goodwill which is situated between my house and where I work to check out their CDs and vinyl. Any vinyl collector knows the usual thrift store fare rarely consists of more than collections of religious hymns from the 1970s, Herb Alpert and records by the 101 Strings. However, I recently stumbled upon stacks of old Capitol and RCA Victor discs. This means a lot of Perry Como, recorded using RCA Victor's much-derided Dynagroove technology, Jackie Gleason Presents Music for Lovers Only, Harry Belafonte, and several records by Vera Lynn (one of which I almost bought just to hear the song referenced by Pink Floyd in their song, "Vera Lynn"). I might not have been interested in any of the records at all, but the $0.99 price tag encourages me be a little more adventurous. Besides, at that price, it isn't like I can't just roll the dice and donate them back if I don't like it.

I brought home two discs; Harry Belafonte Sings of the Caribbean, a simple collection of gentrified calypso songs in mono, and Henry Mancini - Our Man in Hollywood.

Our Man in Hollywood was part of RCA Victor's popular "Our Man in..." series, in which they "place" their recording artists in various locations and genres (e.g. Chet Atkins - Our Man in Nashville and Sonny Rollins - Our Man in Jazz ).

Our Man in Hollywood is a collection of movie and television themes arranged by the brilliant Henry Mancini, and was offered in mono and "LIVING STEREO." I was lucky enough to find the stereo version since it gives the already quirky arrangements an also quirky sense of stereo separation, which was very common in the 1960s, but doesn't detract from the arrangements at all. Instead, thanks to plenty of natural reverb and the skill of the recording engineer (see below), it gives the recordings an extraordinarily wide soundstage and tons of space and clarity. Not all of the tracks are exactly stellar, but the majority of them sound quite amazing. Especially "The Theme from The Wonderful World of The Brothers Grimm," "Too Little Time ('Love Theme from the Glenn Miller Story')," and an absolutely 'swingin' 60s' version of "Seventy Six Trombones" from 'The Music Man.'

Side 1:

Days of Wine and Roses

Walk On The Wild Side

The Theme From The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm

Love Song From Mutiny on the Bounty

Mr. Hobbs Theme

Seventy Six Trombones

Side 2:

Love Theme From Phaedra

Bachelor in Paradise

Too LIttle Time

Drink More Milk

The Wishing Star

Dreamsville!

It should be noted that the album was recorded by Al Schmitt, one of the all-time great recording engineers who has also recently worked with Diana Krall and Shelby Lynne on her wonderful sounding 2008 tribute to Dusty Springfield, Just a Little Lovin' (which was produced by Bacharach's old collaborator and the 1967 Casino Royale soundtrack engineer Phil Ramone).

All in all, I consider it 99 cents well-spent.

Today - Put Together A Grill

2009-04-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

Alberta is big into backyard grilling, what with some of the world's best beef being located here, and today we joined the fray. Never had a propane setup until now. Hank Hill would be proud.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. 1922-2007

2007-04-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Yee-Haw

2007-03-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

We went to the Houston Rodeo and Livestock show last night at Reliant Stadium. I got free tickets at work which were one (1) row closer than the ones we had and tried to sell but couldn't. I'm too nervous to sell tickets on the street and always feel like a scumbag trying to do so. I only did it once at a Cubs game and felt like a criminal even though I sold them at face value.

Anyway, here are a couple pictures I snapped from the event and the Sheryl Crow set that followed. Her set sounded crappy due to the venue dimensions, but she did a great version of Led Zeppelin's "Rock and Roll" as her finishing number.

New Speakers

2007-02-21T22:16:00.000-08:00

I recently brought home a new set of speakers and a pretty nice Rotel receiver, and effectively upgraded my system from 'virtually no stereo' to 'STEREO!' The nice thing about that first jump into the realm of home audio, and building your home system from scratch is that you're also, in a sense, buying your entire music collection all over again. That is, listening to your old CDs becomes a completely different experience - especially if you're like me (and I know many people who are), and have, for years, only listened to new music via their computer, iPod or, at best, their car's CD player. As a music lover, nothing beats the feeling of playing an album you thought you knew by heart and hearing new elements that were always there, but just out of your system's range. Whether it's an interesting bass line, a Hammond organ humming in the background or the actual sound of saliva breaking in the singer's throat (if that's your thing), it makes for an awesome experience.

The bad thing about that first jump is the realization that for everything you hear, there may be that little bit still hidden on that disc which you still don't hear. It's that whole "the more you learn, the more you realize you've yet to learn" paradox which department heads at universities love to talk about. But the quest for new horizons begins with being happy and experimenting with what you've got. That last sentence might make no sense whatsoever, but what I mean is you can wind up chasing your tail before you've had a chance to enjoy what's literally in front of you. I know I'll have these speakers for years, and I look forward to it.

However, that brings me to the only thing I can already complain about. If you look at the close-up of this tweeter, you can see a small dent on its dome. These speakers sat on the showroom floor and were in a dimly lit demo room where details such as these are hard to spot. This picture was taken after I had already popped the dent out with a bit of tape which I knew would leave no residue. It's still there, though. No worries so far, however; the store said they have another diaphragm on order for me to switch out whenever it arrives. Do I hear any difference between the two speakers? No. Might some imperceptible difference exist? Almost definitely. Although my ears don't hear it, I'm afraid my subconscious mind does. Even if it's just cosmetic, it's a free fix, and therefore, a no-brainer.

Now back to listening.

Random Movie Project: 'The Ballad of Billy Blue'

2007-01-18T16:19:00.001-08:00

These cover sleeves for the movie Jailbreakin', and indeed the titles Jailbreakin' and Breakin' Out themselves (for a christian drama originally called The Ballad of Billy Blue) may be the most deceptive attempts to cash in on a famous name in the history of VHS B-movies. Although Erik Estrada famously appeared in another Christian action/Drama called The Cross and the Switchblade, a movie even I remember being shown at least three times in Sunday school, in The Ballad of Billy Blue, he appears in only three scenes, and never once, thankully, without his shirt on. You only get about five minutes of Estrada and about ninety minutes of Jason Ledger (??).

The Ballad of Billy Blue (1972)
AKA
Jailbreakin'
Star-Crossed Roads
The Legend of Billie Blue

Director: Ken Osborne

Summary:

The Ballad of Billy Blue is the uplifting tale of a famous country singer called Billy Blue (Jason Ledger) who, at the end of a long, exhausting tour is approached by his greedy manager to attend some PR party and really blow the lid off his middling career - all while a local gossip columnist played by Marty Allen (of the famous 1960's comedy team of Allen & Rossi) badgers poor Billy to get an up close & personal scoop for all his fans. He expresses his growing dissatisfaction of the whole show business life and, at the behest of both his manager and his gold-digging floozy of a wife, opts out and spends the next 30 minutes of the movie drunk and playing college pranks with his bast friend, Al (I think). After breaking into a local farmer's barn to steal a pig, Billy decides he wants to attend the party after all -- and bring his pig with him!

After an embarrassing display of drunkenness and glamorous ladies running away from a squealing pig, Billy gets confronted by his cold-fish wife in a darkened bedroom where an argument ensues, and, when the manager enters the scene to help settle matters, Billy's wife konks him on the head, killing the manager and Billy, left holding the murder weapon takes the rap for his wife who he, inexplicably, seems to love. As witness after witness enters the room including his friend, the gossip writer, the hotel manager, the local butcher and the mayor (just kidding about the mayor), Billy is soon arrested and is shipped off to prison.

While in prison, Billy meets a young, hot-headed lifer called Justin (Erik Estrada). One day, near the end of Billy's seemingly very short his prison sentence, the inmates are visited by a local preacher who brings the Bible to read to the inmates and try to, perhaps, save a few souls in the process. This is where it starts to become apparent that this movie has a decidedly pro-salvation message. Young Justin rejects the offer of religion, repeatedly saying the the only "freedom" he wants it to be freed of the chains on his feet. Later that night, he files the chains off and attempts to escape, where he is promptly shot and killed.

There's your "jailbreakin." All five minutes worth.

At the funeral, the preacher sits down with Billy and offers him salvation, which Billy gladly accepts. After the conclusion of Billy's term, he's picked up by his best friend, Al (I think), and immediately asks about the well-being of his lying, two-timing spouse. Against the wishes of all his loved ones, he goes off to find her and offer her his help and forgiveness at her new residence - a whore-house. After a highly animated "leave me alone - can't you see I ain't no good" speech she accidentally falls over the railing and falls down one story to her....something. All we see is an ambulance take her away.

Billy then wanders the streets when he stumbles up the steps of a church and becomes fixated on a big bright cross as gospel music jangles in the background. He breaks into tears and the credits begin to role over scenes of his new, happy life while one the worst (and best) songs I've ever laid ears on ("The Ballad of Billy Blue", find it if you dare) plays on and on and on and on.

The End.

Impressions:

This was a hard one to get through. The whole movie had that annoying claustrophobic feel of scenes shot in small rooms and not on sound stages; and not in that dynamic Scorsese sort of way, either, but in that I'll set the camera here, and you walk over there two feet and so stuff kind of way. Even the outdoor and concert scenes felt like they were shot in small rooms. None of this was helped out at all by the script, which was lifeless and had too much contemporary slang and and too many era-specific sets and costume styles to keep it from looking sounding extremely dated. I'd be surprised if more than nine people have even watched this movie since around 1980 or so, including myself, so I guess that's okay.

And as for the acting; laugh if you want, but I actually think Erik Estrada did a pretty decent job in this movie as a young hoodlum and total spazoid. His two-and-a-half scenes were dim highlights in a dull, dull movie - if that makes any sense. Marty Allen was a sweaty and oily as ever, too. And as animated as he was in this film, he didn't do very much to bring any zest to his scenes, either.

So there you go - the movie stunk.

But as always, I try to bring something positive away from the experience, and while the movie offered nothing in that regard, I did encounter a nice surprise while actually renting the movie. Behind the counter at Audio Video Plus, I spied an 8½×10 glossy of a certain perm-headed fitness guru. I said to the girl "wow, that's pretty funny that you have a picture of Richard Simmons back there." She explained that as they were cleaning out the stuff from their other store (which closed its doors, recently), they found boxes full of just really weird stuff. While my head practically swims with all the possible random goodness can come from the back storerooms of a vintage VHS video store, but all I could muster was "That's awesome."

She said I could have one if I wanted. I did not reject.

She went back there and asked if I also liked Evel Knievel. Though I wasnted to clarify that I did not acually like Richard Simmons, all I said was "I do." She came back and presented me with these:

Random Movie Project: 'Memorial Valley Massacre'

2007-01-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

In the rich world of horror movies, there exists many sub-genres with suspense, slasher, zombie/undead perhaps being the three most popular. I feel, now, that with Memorial Valley Massacre, we can add yet another phylum: Ecological Horror.

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)
Director: Michael C. Hughes
Written By: Michael C. Hughes and George Frances Skrow

Summary:

Memorial Valley Massacre begins with the opening of a beautiful campground and nature refuge called, yes, Memorial Valley. The land is owned by Allen Sangster (Cameron Mitchell), a greedy investor who, upon learning of mysterious wildlife slayings and carcasses found in the well contaminating the park's water supply while eager campers await at the gate on opening day, cares little for their safety and orders the rangers to open the gate and begin conducting business, anyway. (Jaws, anyone?) It is here we meet his son, and the movie's mamby-pamby hero, David Sangster. While David immediately begins wooing an attractive single camper, we get to meet some of the other vacationers who each find their own way to pollute the campground and endanger its delicate balance of nature. We have sex-hungry bikers and teenagers who discard their beer cans and the fat kid who like to tear up the trails with his three-wheeler.

This is where the campground's resident cave-hermit and, I believe, the movie's true hero comes in. He's a guy who subsists on the fruits mother nature has to offer, wears animal skins but still makes friends with the mice and rats in his underground abode. He was perfectly happy living a life of solitude, fully secluded from modern civilization. Perfectly happy, that is, until modern civilization came knocking on his cave door! (That was my poor excuse for a tagline) This is where the said “massacre” begins. In true caveman fashion, he uses what primitive weapons he has at his disposal to eliminate those who have attempted to destroy his fields and streams and bring unwanted chaos to his peaceful existence. All this makes for some hilarious and rewarding action sequences, especially the demise of the annoying fat three-wheeler-riding mamma's boy. We eventually learn that the hermit is actually the long-lost teenage son of the park's chief superintendent.

Impressions:

The title might have you believe that a madman would be on the loose in this serene setting killing campers and hikers indiscriminately. But you'd only be half right. You see, it is said that every story contains elements of at least one of the following conflicts:

Man vs. Man
Man vs. Himself
Man vs. Society
Man vs. Nature
Man vs. Technology

What can be said, then, when man treads on Mother Earth and comes up against the defender of nature? I guess we could call it “Man vs. Nature Man.” Then again, if you're an ecologist, you might call this a story of Nature Man vs. Society. Whatever you call it, you'd have to admit that Memorial Valley Massacre is one of the most entertaining, if not THE most entertaining eco-themed horror movies featuring a cameo by Cameron Mitchell ever.

**Here's an entertaining tidbit – the character “Deke” was played by an actor named Jimmy Justice who was in just one other movie in his short career where he played a character called “Deacon.” That movie? Beverly Hills Brats.

More Mysterious Emails

2006-10-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else get these oddly worded emails? I have no idea what the spamers are trying to accomplish, or who they think they're fooling. Here are some examples:

Ford Darrington
to me
More options 25-Oct (1 day ago)

Hi,
VlhAGRA for less http://www.putinjerionkdsacein.com

Yes, one off to your left. Roughly the same distance youve walked
Usually, by the time I had exited the launch, he would be calling me.

---------------------------------------------------

Alida Withey
to me
More options 08:34 (14 hours ago)
Hi,
VlhAGRA for less http://www.cotionkedasetionfanse.com

really eye-bugging time for the tourists.
be less trouble to them if I were safely dead. And there were only

---------------------------------------------------

Anu Rasheed

to me
More options 07:30(15 hours ago)
Hi,
VlhAGRA for less http://www.madesunkadefionlasde.com

one to each of my companions. Find out if any of the Paradisians have
Yes it will. I pointed to Floyd. Ask him about the strange things

---------------------------------------------------

Hi,
VlhAGRA for less http://www.adesunkionlderunkasde.com

Jim-and Floyd and Steengo. Welcome Stainless Steel Rats. Your fame has
long on linguistics but are certainly short on extrapolation and

--------------------------------------------------

Zahida Gammon
to me
More options 22-Oct(4 days ago)
Hi,
GREAT VlbAGRA http://www.betinjderionkadesun.com

they will learn by observation. Now we begin . . .
topsoil while I saw her squeezing and squeezing on the trigger; her

--------------------------------------------------

Kora Schueller
to me
More options 23-Oct (3 days ago)
Hi,
GOOD VIEAGRA http://www.cadesunjionkdepasderin.com

the best night vision in the fleet.
Good as done. Ill get the Admiral on it at once.

--------------------------------------------------

The Admiral? I swear I have never, nor, God willing, will I ever actively seek good deals on Viagra. And I have certainly not looked for deals on "VIEAGRA" or "VlbAGRA."

Some Mildly Interesting Crappy Cell Phone Pictures

2006-09-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

I figured I'd put these here before I delete them altogether...

IKEA

2006-08-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

Between spending what seemed like three straight years at IKEA, today, and coming home to play with the new MacBook, I feel like the only font I'll ever be able to read for the rest of my life is Arial. If this keeps up, I'll actually be thinking in Arial. Whatever happened to Times New Roman? That was the font I used all throughout high school and most of college? Until, that is, I realized Arial could fill a page a little faster.

Anyway, the Houston IKEA (is that supposed to be all caps?) is like a three-hour ride you pay good money to get onto and, once on, are forced to see it through to the exhausted and bitter end. Like I imagine all IKEAs are, it's very cleverly designed so that once you ascend the escalator to the showroom floor, you are forced to walk through the entire labyrinth-like building similar to one of those haunted mansions from when we were kids. Only instead of strobe lights and corn syrup blood, it's plastic desk lamps called "Klörm" and Chinese people. One staircase even has a sign painted on the floor telling you that in one week, an average of 27,000 people cross that very landing. Not to sound overly right-wing Republican, especially since my only language is English, but I wonder what percentage of those 27,000 people can atually read that sign. After that, it dumps you out into the warehouse where you can pick up your selections, followed by the checkout/food court area where you're handed your Swedish sandwich cookies, pay for your stuff, then load your car from about a quarter mile from the designated area where you're allowed to roll your carts once you've exited the building. By this time, you've aged several years, forgotten your children's names and have become engaged to a Korean woman you met in the textiles department.

Alright, that might be pushing it.

Still, we did manage to find a floor pillow large enough to support a Labrador retriever - which brings me to a somewhat major announcement:

Meet Abbott.

He's a pretty good kid who's learning the ropes, though still quite toothy. He already fetches and can bring down and bite terrified four-year-olds in the face who run screaming from him in the park. I know this because it happened. Of course, he's just playing, but we're trying to teach him it's okay to play-bite, but not to jump on people.

As for that dog pillow, he already got too excited and urinated on it. It was his first "accident" in a while. I guess that means he likes it.

Spider!

2006-08-12T21:03:00.000-07:00

Whoa! This little bugger was spinning a web at face-level about 1 foot outside the back door. It was a nice looking web in the making - I'm a little sorry I had to destroy it.

2006-08-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

This is just a test of a new Mac Dashboard Widget. Thank you for your time, and may God bless.

RiffTrax

2006-07-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

Looking to add a little zest to your movie watching experience?

Sure, we all do!

Sorry, had to quote Sally Struthers, there. A bit out of context, too. Oh, well.

Anyway, in the spirit of my beloved Mystery Science Theater 3000, Mike Nelson, now in his new position at Legend Films, the DVD studio that re-releases color-ized versions of campy, old sci-fi and horror movies (with the original black and white versions included on each disc), has introduced his new project called RiffTrax.

Mike has been lending his hilarious commentaries to such Legend Film DVD releases as Reefer Madness, The Night of the Living Dead and Plan 9 From Outer Space for over a year now, but has since been hired by Legend Films for "building and leading the company's creative content, providing on-going commentaries and developing other premium web-based programming."

This is where RiffTrax comes in. The idea, here, may seem a bit far-fetched, but it actually works quite well when executed correctly (which is not hard to do). With RiffTrax, fans can now download and hear Mike's commentary on not just the old Legend Films' DVDs, but on any movie Mike chooses to lampoon. I already purchased the commentary (just $1.99) for Rowdy Herrington's 1989 classic Road House starring Patrick Swayze as Dalton, zen-master and bar bouncer extraordinaire. I thought it was really great. I feel like I've been watching movies with Mike for about thirteen years, so, to me, I welcome this new project and consider myself a fan. I realize many of you may not own Road House (wrong, but forgivable), but take the poll on the website and, perhaps, we'll see Mike take on the likes of The Matrix and a movie MST3k was made for and actually got to make fun of during one of their "Oscar Specials," Titanic!

Move (pt.1)

2006-07-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

Homeless people are smart. Smarter than me, at least. Ask a homeless person how he/she feels about scrubbing the hardened black deposits off the bottom of a greasy oven at midnight in order to get the maximum deposit back from their landlord. Or ask them about carrying carloads of boxes and cleaning supplies back and forth across town like mules for three full days. You'll likely get some incoherent mutter, or at best, they'll ask you for a dollar. Okay, some of the more ambitious homeless people do carry a lot on their shopping carts, so I guess they might know a thing or two about that. But sometimes I think hobos know the secret to life.

Have not, toil not.

For those not in the know about my personal life, which is approximately 99.999997318% of the world's population, Katrina and I have just purchased a home. It's a simple two-bedroom house built in the early 1920s with a detached two-car garage, and an apartment above the garage. We're actually quite happy with it. It's in an interesting part of town called "The Heights." Houston Heights is an old town that used to be its own municipality until it was annexed by Houston proper, and is now considered to be Houston's historical district with plenty of old-timey homes and businesses. There are also plenty of good Mexican restaurants nearby which is another big plus for us.

One thing I noticed after we moved is how ridiculously small most of our furniture looks. Not that I enjoy big, gaudy furnishings, but it's clear we definitely have a house full of apartment furniture.

The moving bill initially only came out to $187.00, but with some extra boxes that Katrina hadn't figured in during her call to the movers about a week prior (minus the few boxes I'd rather the movers not man-handle which I moved personally), the grand total would still have been in the low $200s. I say "would have" because we only paid $160.00. Due to a mix-up at the mover's office, the crew that showed up came about four and a half hours late. The two kids who finally showed up, who looked no older than about eighteen, had already asked if we could pay the additional box charges in cash. We knew they'd just pocket the cash, so I said "let's just wait till we're all done and then we can figure it out." Near the end of the move, he again asked about the cash, only this time he asked if it could all be paid in cash and he'd forget about the extra charges and it'd only be $160.00 flat. Only catch is that I'd have to call their boss and lie by saying that we had waited long enough and I arranged for other movers. That way, they wouldn't need to show any paperwork at all, and they pocket ALL the cash. At a moral crossroads, I had to ask myself what Jesus would do. Then, I think we figured if we said "no," they'd get upset and show us no leniency on the bill whatsoever, and probably take the kid gloves off for the remainder of the move. So I made the clumsy sounding call to the movers, and Katrina headed off to the ATM machine.

It was their job on the line, anyway.

Cubs at Astros

2006-06-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

We went to see the Cubs play the Astros tonight. Chicago won 8-0, but the real story is how close Carlos Zambrano came to getting a no-hitter.

Here's my sloppy score card to tell the story. You should be able to expand this in your browser for it to be large enough to read.

Find

2006-06-01T00:37:00.000-07:00

A local thrift store has recently stocked a rare Beatles record; an original "second-state" printing Yesterday and Today. "Second-state" meaning the re-labeled album cover. Collectors describe it as follows:

First State: The original cover featuring the group wearing white butcher coats covered with dismembered plastic baby-doll parts and slabs of raw meat.

Second State: The original sleeve with new, more "suitable" cover art pasted over it.

Third State: The original cover with the pasted version peeled off, re-exposing the "butcher cover."

So, yeah, they have a rarity. Problem is... they know it.

They want $150.00. The record itself looks to be okay. No major scratches, but I know it will sound a little crackly. I haven't really researched it, but that's not a bad deal, according to what little I've seen on eBay and the like. But the thing is, I'm not really a collector in that sense, so I might let it slide. Though, recently, my interest in vinyl recordings has been evolving. And this would make an awesome addition to my fledging vinyl collection.

What to do?

Author Book Sign... huh?

2006-05-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

I knew there was a reason this sign was in the back hallway of the hotel, and not out on the main floor.

Plop!

2006-05-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry to be the bearer of such gross tidings, but here's an amazing splotch of bird poop on the hood of my co-worker's car.

Apperently, there's some sort of exotic bird which has, somehow, found its way to Houston. It doesn't belong here, but due some sort of migratory mix-up, here it is. According to my co-worker, it's been in the paper, on the news and everything. Unfortunatly for him, it's decided to perch in the tree directly above his parking spot. He said this is light compared to some days when the pile of bird poo can be inches high! Not pictured are the white streaks all along the sides of his vehicle. I just think it's amazing that one bird can poop this much.

Since this picture was taken, he said it's gotten even worse than this now that there's a whole family of birds with young hatchlings which are pooping, too!!

Ouch.

2006-05-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

I just returned home from a visit to the dentist's office. It was the second visit over the course of a single week, and there are two more visits to look forward to in the next three weeks or so. I had neglected my teeth for far too long and I'm paying for it now in the form of fillings, gum-pocket cleansings, root canal and crowns.

How long has it been since I've been to the dentist? Well, before getting a single wisdom tooth pulled almost exactly two years ago in May of 2004, It's been a while. I had to get a filling replaced way back in 20th century. My friend Alan may or may not remember this, but one night while he and I were watching a movie in my Mom's basement at my old house in Highland, I had a filling pop out while mindlessly chewing on approximately twelve Sour Patch Kids at once. Since I still had insurance at the time, I went to the dentist the following day to get it replaced.

That was in 1997.

Fast forward about nine years, and here I sat with multiple missing fillings, about a dozen areas of decay, an aching, broken molar in need of a root canal and two more wisdom teeth that need to go, including an impacted one barely even showing above the gums which needs to be extracted by means of oral surgery since part of my jaw bone needs to be removed along with it.

This all started last month when I decided to purchase medical and dental insurance from my employer. Both a blessing and a curse, in my opinion. I made an appointment at an office close to my apartment called "Smile Store." The group is made up of several dentist and oral hygienists on the feeder ramp of Houston's busiest highway. When I arrived to have the aforementioned broken molar examined (which had been broken for 4-5 years and was now subject to the off-and-on throbbing toothache), I was first directed to the x-ray chair so they could get a full set of pictures of my teeth. After scanning the x-ray shots into a computer and creating digital images of them to be displayed before me on an LCD monitor in the examination room, a technology light years ahead of what I was used to in the dentist's office, even I could tell they told a sorrowful and bitter tale.

Enter Dr. Chang, a peitie and somewhat pretty Chinese woman who is now my designated dentist. She has a look at the pictures and then my mouth, and begins rattling off a dizzying torrent of practically every possible category of dental condition and oral procedure to her assistant. After her grave littany finally began wind down, she turned to me and explained my treatment plan.

I was still under the impression that she was going to simply have a look at the infected molar, set up an appointment later on that week, give me my free toothbrush and send me happily on my way. But instead, no doubt feeling the Gung-ho spirit of her ancestors, she said we can "take care of the root canal and two crowns today and set up an appointment a few days later to take care of the other cavities." At first, when she said "today,” I wasn't really sure if she meant that day, or something more along the lines of in this modern era of dentistry. I was still clinging to the hope that she meant the latter, but instead of "Here's your toothbrush, so long, now, and have a nice day!" she said "I'll be back in a few minutes to numb you up." I actually tried to misconstrue that statement as well, but couldn't. I had to resign to the fact that I would be getting drilled upon within the hour.

So, three and a half hours of whizzing and buzzing, one root canal, two temporary crowns later, and more instruments passing through my mouth than I could keep track of, I was out. I still had to return my rental truck and pick up my newly repaired car from the body shop and go to work that afternoon. Luckily, I wasn't really in any pain. I went back, today, for the cleansing and scaling beneath my gum line, a filling and yet another temporary crown. This wasn't as bad as I thought, either. I go back in two more weeks to get my permanent crowns fitted and more cavities filled. After all that, I'll be back on a more civilized dental schedule with routine check-ups. Everything should be back to normal.

Well, except for that "cutting out part of my jaw" business.

Fun With Roms Vol. 2

2006-04-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not remember, I did a little post a few months ago (September) called "Fun With Roms Vol. 1" which covered the games Rollergames and Ring King. I really should call it "Fun With Games," as I'd only feature games I have hard copy of so as to fully relate the console game experience. I only use roms, which are really just copies of console games playable on PC for the screen shots. Well anyway, this time around, while waiting for a DVD to arrive in the mail so I can better review a movie for a forthcoming Random Movie Project, I've decided do my best to 'get with the times' a little and do a quantum leap forward from the late 80's to...

...the early 90's.

I recently acquired the game Cool Spot, a Sega Genesis cartridge featuring America's favorite "uncola" mascot, the 7-Up Spot! Remember that phenomenon? Spot was all the rage! I mean, you gotta love mascots. There was a time in our culture when everyone was able to not only tolerate these odd, semi-menacing little characters, but actually find amusement in them, and even go so far as to buy the products they represent. Like other mascots such as "Noid" and the California Raisins, Spot captured the nation's heart and ensured that 7-Up would be America's colorless carbonated beverage of choice. That is, until Sierra Mist came along and Pepsi stopped distributing the stuff.

In the game, you control "Spot" through about a half-dozen levels where he has to rescue other Spots from cages suspended at the end of each scene. In order to do so, you must collect little mini red spots along the way which boost your "cool" percentage. Think "coins" from Super Mario World. That's a big theme in this game, too. "Coolness." See the yo-yo he's playing with? He only whips it out when you're not commanding him to do something. He's that cool.

Of course, since you're only a little spot, you are about a half-inch tall. That means you're at a disadvantage in a world designed for big people, so watch out for those crabs and crawdads. Mosquitoes also pose a serious threat in the early "beach" level (which you will also have to play through two more times when the game starts reusing it's own stages). Your only weapon, by the way, is a sort bubble thingy you fling at your enemies. I'm not too sure what it is. Carbon dioxide, prehaps?

Later on, you find yourself inside the walls of someone's house which means a whole new slew of enemies and obstacles to deal with such as spiders and pointy nails sticking errantly from the wall joists. One of my favorite enemies, here, is the mouse who, being a mouse and all, throws cheese at you at the rate of about one slice per second. The verdict is still out as to exactly why he's wearing pajamas, but my guess would be it's because he was sleeping, and he's so pissed that you woke him up that he'll resort to using his most prized possession as a weapon.

So, as for the game, I give it about 5 "burps" out of 10. The controls are a little twitchy at some points and damage is received a little to easily, especially from the inanimate obstacles such as spikes and barbed wire which can harm you from, seemingly, inches away. Is it worth tracking down to play in the year 2006? Hell no - but if you were to somehow find yourself in 1993, and you were one of the millions who loved the 7-Up Spot, and Mrs. Doubtfire is currently sold-out at the General Cinema I & II, and you have an hour or so to waste before watching Kelsey Grammer in that new Cheers spin-off, you might find a worthwhile diversion in Cool Spot.

Languish

2006-04-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

I cannot let this web log observe-o-thingy go an entire month without some sort of update. So with two days to go before the month is up, here's a new post.

Yippee.

I hereby promise to be a little more adamant about putting something here. There's been a few little things to convey, recently. One mysterious little item has to do with a couple mysterious e-mails I've been receiving, recently. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that they've been coming to my junk mail account. That is, the account I use when I'm signing up for stuff online that requires an e-mail address. Here's what the message looked like:

The top portion of the message is pretty much straight-forward bullshit, but the bottom is where the facade falls apart. What does any of that mean? "...Planetarium a drugging in cloudy on eastman and liquids??" There's the whole garbled line of text, too. Interestingly, the whole message, from top to bottom, is a hotlink to some page I wouldn't even consider going to. I noticed this email at work, and wouldn't even subject their computers to the firestorm of viruses and spyware no doubt waiting on the other end.

These scam artists need to start refining their methods if the want to pull the wool over our eyes.

updated Odds, Ends and Random Tidbits

2006-03-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

As I type this, I'm about to drink a concoction of a powdered antibiotic prescribed to me by my doctor for pneumonia. What worries me is that I'm at work and he said this will make me feel nauseated, but whatever I do, DO NOT throw up because this stuff costs about $120.00 per dose, and this is a one-dose deal. Since my insurance doesn't kick in until May, he gave this one to me for free, but I need to keep it down.

Well, here goes...

Mmm, cherry-banana. Actually, that could have been worse. The true trial begins after I drink the second half (I'm supposed to drink half, wait thirty minutes, and finish it).

I'll update this post later...

*Update*

Well, here I am about two hours later, and the nausea is in full swing. The doctor ordered me to eat before taking the medicine to, I would presume, lessen the shock the Zmax would have on my digestive system. Absorb it, if you will.

Information on the antibiotic can be found online, and all other directions say to take it on an empty stomach. I took mine approximately 47 seconds after finishing a plate of Mexican food prepared for the employees at this hotel with all the love and care you might expect of Mexican food prepared for the employees of a hotel. Now, my digestive system is in heated labor disputes with every other system in my body, and will not even acknowledge the presence of food, nor drug. A rummy situation, what with the $120.00 payload of antibiotics begging to get its foot in the door. Recognizing the potentially devestating outcome of this development, I sent in a glass of Sprite, normally a choiceworthy mediator, to try and settle things and at least promote discussion between the interested parties, but the old guts n' gizzards aren't having any of it. My stomach pretty much sent the Sprite a barely legible fax telling it to simply take its place in the queue.

And thus the standoff begins.

Random Movie Project: 'Along For The Ride'

2006-03-03T23:01:00.000-08:00

Finally, a movie from this decade! But wait, it's a Patrick Swayze movie from this decade. Damn!

Along For The Ride is a title that, to me, suggests some kind of crazy eighteen wheeler hijacking adventure. The kind of movie you fall asleep drunk to after a long night out at Hooter's with your racing buddies. In other words, my hopes for an exciting, fun-filled addition to the Random Movie Project had become somewhat inflated. Well, about halfway into the credits, sometime after I saw the names of Melanie Griffith and Penelope Ann Miller, I realized this wasn't to be. I guess it's just hard to imagine a Patrick Swayze movie where he's not either: A. Invisible; B. Dancing with Jennifer Grey; C. Ripping people's throats out; or D. Saying things like, "I know you want me so bad it's like acid in your mouth man. But not this time, Johnny."

Nope. Not this time, Johnny.

Along For The Ride (2000)
Written and Directed by John Kaye

Summary:

Along For The Ride is the U.S. video title for a movie that was originally called Forever Lulu. I guess someone said, "Hey, maybe we could sell more copies if we actually made this thing sound like a proper Swayze movie and less like a show on Nickelodeon." Because "Forever Lulu" sounds more like what the movie really is, a loopy comedic love story.

Ben Clifton (Patrick Swayze) is a financially successful, yet personally and artistically unhappy scriptwriter in Hollywood. After a draft of his latest project gets rejected he gets a surprise phone call from his wild, schizophrenic college sweetheart, Lulu McAfee (Melanie Griffith). Back in the day, they were crazy in love. He was going to write the great American novel while she acted like a loony sex-starved banshee. It turns out that they split after she was admitted into a psychiatric home seventeen years earlier, and that's where she's been ever since. Though still somewhat ill, she left the home so she could find Ben, who is now unhappily married to his psychologist wife, Claire (Penelope Ann Miller). After finding Ben, she begs him to go on this road trip across the desert in his black 2000 Mustang (not the classic Pontiac or whatever that is on the poster. I don't know what the deal is with that). He agrees, but only so he can take her back to her doctors. Along the way, however, she drops a bombshell on ol' Ben. Right before they split, she had gotten pregnant and had to give the baby up for adoption and she thinks they ought to give the kid a visit. The boy, Martin, now aged seventeen years and played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who also played "Tommy" on 3rd Rock From the Sun and that kid in Angels In The Outfield, and who I always confuse for that other kid who played "Russ" in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and Darlene's boyfriend on Roseanne; which is all the more confusing to me since Joseph Gordon-Levitt was ALSO on several episodes of Roseanne) now lives with his adoptive parents in Madison, Wisconsin.

Well after about an hour of scenes of Ben talking on his cell phone to his angry wife (which seemed to eat up about 80% of the film stock) and Lulu making wild passes at a very stoic, unresponsive Ben in motel rooms and swimming pools, they finally get to their hotel in Madison. By this time we also now know that Ben and his wife had also had a child who died from Leukemia. Anyway, after checking in to the hotel, Ben encounters his wife who had flown out there to intercept them. It all culminates into a tense moment to say the least, especially with crazy-ass Lulu hanging on his arm wanting to know who the angry chick is. After everything settles down, they all agree to disagree long enough to go visit the biological son. However, once they arrive, the kid pretty much rejects his parents and calls Lulu "crazy." She leaves the dinner table and runs out of the house. Luckily, Ben knows right where to find her. You see, on the way to the kid's house, they passed a movie theater showing the classic film, The Hustler, a movie both Lulu and Ben know by heart since it was their favorite way back when. We see them both watching the movie on TV earlier in the story quoting all the lines; Ben at his home, and Lulu still in her psych home. When they get there, Martin, who already apologized to Ben, and wants to make things right with his biological mom, asks if he can go in there to talk to her alone. They both apologize to eachother and everyone is happy.

Flash forward nine months later, and Lulu is happily moving into her own house and gets a package in the mail. It's a new novel written by Ben Clifton based on their adventure. She opens it to find her name in the dedication.

Impressions:

You know what, I liked this movie. Sure it's really cheesy and kept losing focus, especially at the end when it goes from being a tale of resisting temptation to rekindle a wild, passionate love affair with an old flame to being about a kid meeting his biological parents. But it was really well acted and the pacing was just punchy enough to keep your interest. I have to ask, though; what's the deal with Patrick Swayze's face? Have you seen him in the last ten years? If not, don't feel bad. There's a perfectly good explanation if you haven't. I'm just saying that it looks really weird now. Well, by "now" I mean in 2000. He has this permanent sourpuss expression that you just want to slap off of him, but won't for fear of having your, well... throat ripped out. If you've seen Roadhouse, you know what I mean. He knows Tai Chi. On the other hand, we have Melanie Griffith who's still perfectly suited for the gaze of human eyes and Penelope Ann Miller who also is not hideous.

By the way, if you Googled the title of this movie and came across my review while amazon.com is open on another browser window, with the "buy it now" button beckoning you to click, and you're curious as to why I mainly focus on how ugly or attractive the actors are, I'm sorry.

Next week's movie: Page 369, Line 37.

Random Movie Project: 'Nexus 2.431'

2006-02-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

Nexus 2.431. The Spanish Star Wars. But in English. What's funny is that this movie was listed right above Niagara, the classic Marilyn Monroe film. Instead, I get stuck with a movie starring Oliver Tobias. I guess in some dark, despair-ridden regions of Europe, that name means something. Not to me. What is this movie doing there? I always get the feeling I rent these tapes and bring them out from their states of VHS hibernation, and for doing so, they punish me.

Nexus 2.431
Dir: José María Forqué
Screenplay: Juan Piquer Simón, José María Forqué and Álvaro Forqué

Summary:

First, let me point out how difficult it is to write a summary when you can't understand what the hell is going on in the first place. The premise laid out in the film's intro is simple. Screwy, but simple:

In the Earth's future, the world had become very, very polluted. So polluted, in fact, that the Earth couldn't take it anymore and, one day, exploded! Right before the explosion, a select few sensed this would happen and were able to evacuate to a distant, dersert planet who offered solace in their barren equatorial regions.

After that, I went into a deep B-movie trance and lost my bearings completely. I know there was an Earthling king, of sorts, who had a beautiful (or what needs to pass for "beautiful" for the story's sake), mysterious teenage daughter. Some fat foreign dignitary wanted to take her as his wife in return for some much needed supplies or something like that. The King says she's far too young to marry, the fat dignitary says the King's full of shit, everyone gets angry, daughter eventually winds up captive on a spaceship, so on and so forth. Then there's this really effeminate guy (unfortunately, our hero) who's literally never seen a girl before, ever, and sits around his cave all day worshipping these three crystal knives. The mysterious daughter appears to him as if in a dream, gives him a kiss and his first ever glimpse of a girl. Having finally seen a girl, he decides he likes girls very much, grabs his three knives, ventures out of his cave and, enlisting the help of another really bad European actor, saves her. Just don't ask me how.

Impressions:

As I mentioned, this is the "Spanish Star Wars," but in fairness to Spain, this is actually a Czech-Spanish co-production. I hate to reel the Czech Republic into this mess, but let's face it - it's true. It used actors and crew from both of those countries, and some actors from the UK, as well. That's a pretty common practice in Europe; using funds and resources from studios and, probably, federal grant money from two or more nations to get a movie produced. That way, they can finally afford to use stock footage of planet Earth and then suddeny cut to a close-up of a firecracker exploding against a black background. I think the makers of this film actually blew their entire budget on the matte painting pictured below. I understand that the guy who did it is, in fact, talented.

The main thing I liked about Nexus 2.431 was the way it made up for its lack of actual quality with really, really ugly costumes. No, just kidding, it made up for it with an abundance of shots of greasy men staring at things. No, no - okay, got you again. Really, for serious this time, it made up for it with ambition. Raw, oily, nicotine-stained European ambition. I always try to find at least one thing about these movies I like, and I guess that'll have to do for now. It was ambitious.

I mean, somebody obviously put their heart and soul into painting the cardboard spaceships (not pictured).

Next week's movie: Page 16, line 3.

OKC And Other Stuff

2006-02-18T19:53:00.000-08:00

I had to go out to Oklahoma City for work all last week from Saturday to Saturday. I was asked to go the day before I was to fly, so I had no real notice whatsoever. I always forget to bring a camera along when I go somewhere, and this excursion was no different. However, as you can see from the craptastic cell phone shots, OKC is nothing to write home about, anyway. Still I took the pics, so here they are. The first shot is from the Cox Convention Center where I mainly worked, and the other shot was from my hotel room. Also included is a shot of the truss line from which we hung lights and projectors in the Convo Center ballroom.

These next two are from our last trip to Audio/Video Plus where I rented the film to be featured in the next installment of Random Movie Project.

Take Care Of The Who?

2006-02-10T01:13:00.000-08:00

I've decided to share an insanely long comment thread from a post I made in the Observe-O-Rama a while back. You can read the original adventure we had coming back from the airport after a trip home last summer here, but the real story was the discussion that followed:

Alan said...
Clint-If you had been trapped in a bad 1980's sitcom you would have been forced to wash the drivers car by your dad accompanied by a laugh track and a freeze frame ending where the credits would roll to bad synth music. "Taped before a live studio audience!"
Thursday, July 07, 2005

Clint said...
That's exactly right. It was one of those "made for TV" moments. The freeze frame would be of me right after I stepped into the bucket of soapy water.
Thursday, July 07, 2005

tony said...
With Patrick Duffy as your dad and Bronson Pinchot as the rude French bell boy.
Thursday, July 07, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-I believe that episode stars the incomparable Soapy Guinness as Clint. One of my favorites Thursday, July 07, 2005

Clint said...
I'll get Alan Thicke to start work on the theme song.
Thursday, July 07, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-I hear Ricky Schroder is available to play the best friend and I have Mr. T signed on to play the Limo Driver."I pity the foo' who doesn't take care of the driver!"I'm also working on a merchandising deal for Mr. T's "I pity the foo' who doesn't take care of the driver!" line tee shirts, coffee mugs, feminine hygiene products, cell phone ringers, the works.It's gonna be huge. Bigger than "Where's the Beef!"
Friday, July 08, 2005

tony said...
Don't forget, it also needs a really lame Atari 2600 or NES game based on the show. And a cereal. "Take Care of the Driver-O's!"
Friday, July 08, 2005

Clint said...
The video game will have you driving around the airport picking up passengers. If they don't "Take Care of the Driver," you get to pull them out of the van where it goes into a fight screen. From there, you can use luggage as weapons. Plus, the occasional buzzard will swoop down to harm you. Bats and scorpions, too. Why not? The cereal will be in the shape of little shuttle busses and steering wheels...with marshmallows. The box will feature Mr. T grimacing at the camera in a chauffeur's uniform complete with the bling-bling.
Friday, July 08, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-Good news Tina Yothers is interested in playing the girlfriend, but only if she gets to sleep with Mr. T during the production. She likes the dark meat if you know what I mean.
Friday, July 08, 2005

tony said...
Yes, Clint, you have the right idea. The game must not bear the slightest resemblance to reality or the original show, otherwise it just wouldn't be a licensed game. There can also be an overly elaborate promotion advertised in the box that involves attaining a ridiculously high score and photographing the screen, all in an effort to obtain a chance to "ride in a limo and be dissed by the real Mr. T."
Saturday, July 09, 2005

Clint said...
Imagine the disappointed look on that kid's face when he realizes Mr. T is a 300 pound intoxicated diva. The prize limo ride will be only about 30 seconds around the studio parking lot. Then it's "here's your 'Take Care of the Driver' lunch box and pajamas. Have a nice day, kid."
Saturday, July 09, 2005

Alan said...
Clint and TonyNegotiations are going well with NBC but they have one stipulation. They really want to call the show "Law & Order: Take care of the Driver." Which is fine within itself but I was under the impression that the video game people needed to call it "Grand Theft Auto: Take care of the Driver" or "Star Wars: Take care of the Driver" in order to sell it to the inner city 16 1/2 year old Jewish/Black male demographic of Denver. This could all be very confusing to the 45-47 year old Latina lesbian community that we need to make the "Take care of the Driver" feminine hygiene products a success.
Saturday, July 09, 2005

Clint said...
I was kind of hoping for Nickelodeon's "Take Care of the Driver and Friends Smile Hour." By the way, the focus group results are in and Tina Yothers is out. We're talking to Gillian Anderson. The show is being skewed more towards mystery/crime than crime/mystery.
Monday, July 11, 2005

tony said...
I'm getting word from CBS right now. They're keen on a new reality show called "The Driver." The idea is to have 12 dopey twentysomethings compete in limo-centric challenges, such as speed tipping and sweet talking. Whichever guys impress the limo driver the most at the end of each episode gets a rose and a free limo gift certificate. The grand prize winner at the end of the season gets a lifetime supply of rides (tips not included.) There's also been some buzz on a Ben Stiller movie in the works called "Takin' Care of the Driver." Ving Rhames plays the gruff driver and Stiller is the cheap limo stowaway who meets up with a cast of zany characters and manages to say the most inappropriate things on accident. Owen Wilson wil play the womanizing police detective. It'll be hilarious!
Monday, July 11, 2005

Clint said...
Please tell me Queen Latifah will play the sassy shuttle dispatcher. Also, we need Bobcat Goldthwait to play the hotel guard. He'll reprise his role as Officer Zed from Police Academy. He'll insist on being called "officer" though he'd been kicked off the force years ago. That's the running gag. If this script garners as much interest as I think it will, the sky's the limit with the cast.

This just in: The Game Show Network is ready to produce a show called "Who's Takin' Care of the Diver??" In this show, contestants sit in the "Driver's Seat" while the "Celebrity Stowaway" climbs in the back behind the tinted window and makes "small talk" about their career. The contestant who guesses the celebrity fastest gets "taken care of." Big time. Richard Karn says he'll host and we have Penn Jillette as a back up.
Monday, July 11, 2005

Alan said...
Tina Yothers is out? Um small problem. I may have already promised her the part during a particularly heated casting couch session and there may be a video tape of this encounter. This video may or may not be floating around the internet. In the video Tina takes care of the driver in the most creative ways that she can come up with. Hey, I was just trying to help her find her motivation, you know how actresses are. I was thinking that the controversy of the video would increase the buzz around the show, a la Paris Hilton. It needs to be said though if we need to start this strategy over with Gillian Anderson I won't mind putting in the extra work. In fact I'm sure that I could "working with" a couple of other actresses and we could create a "Take care of the Driver: The Casting Sex Tapes."We may have to take care of Tina Yothers in the Chicago way if you know what I mean (bribe her or kill her)so she doesn't pursue legal action. Either way the money could come out of the development funds so it's not a problem per say, just a business expense.
Monday, July 11, 2005

Clint said...
Jesus. This whole thing is getting out of hand. Let's not let this project self-destruct before it even clears the runway. I'm sure we could bribe Tina with just a couple hundred bucks. Heck, a combo basket from Long John Silver should be enough for her. You take Tina to Long John's, I'll meet with Gillian. Deal?
Monday, July 11, 2005

Alan said...
No way I want meat with, I mean meet with Gillian. Besides it's not that easy to find Long John Silver restaurants any more.
Monday, July 11, 2005

tony said...
This is outrageous. I say we offer Tina a Hardees value meal and nothing more. As for Gillian, I think she wants too much of the royalties. Thats no good if we make it into syndication. I'm already planning a script for the 100th episode. Celebrity cameos galore. And clips. Lots of clips.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Clint said...
HARDEE'S???You underestimate Tina. I say we get her to Long John's, and then over to Baker's Square for pie before it's too late. We need to cut our losses!!! What's all this crap about Gillian? Who the hell does she think he is? No one from Gilligan's Island received royalties. That's what made that show such a huge syndication powerhouse! What could be better than getting your face on TV long after the gig is up?? She's being ridiculous. We need to remind her how much the word "Gillian" looks like "Gilligan." Look at all the females from Gilligan's Island, now. They're all superstars!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

tony said...
Bakers Square? You fool! We don't have that kind of money to throw around. We have to pay Corey Feldman to do your voice in the PS2 game adaptation, and it ain't growing on trees. Plus, we've already sold as many "Driver Fruit Snacks" as possible. As for Gillian, maybe we need to let her go. I'm thinking going the Lindsey Lohan angle with Lance Bass playing you in the series. We take it to MTV and get Usher to do the theme song. That's hot.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Alan said...
Gentlemen-We are hemorrhaging money fast! If we don't get an infusion of cash soon we might just have to settle for a TV show with NO merchandising tie-ins. Nobody wants that do they? I have contacted Bob Geldof about putting together a "Take Care of the Driver" charity concert. Tina's band, Jaded is going to play. Cory Feldman is signed on to perform with Jan Hammer on keyboards. Phil Collins is interested. John Mellencamp has agreed to return to John "Cougar" Mellencamp for the event. The only catch is that he thinks that it is for produce drivers so everybody be careful what you say. This needs to be our primary focus for the time being.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

tony said...
Okay, I just got off the phone with Bono. There's a 50/50 chance he'll peform at the benefit. As for location, I'm thinking somewhere relatively inexpensive. Any ideas?I've got our stable of musicians working on a single for charity, "Takin' Care of the World." Let's work on getting Sting in on the action. He's a sucker for this kind of stuff. As for Mellencamp, I say we litter the stage with cornstalks, lettuce, and some watermelons. Really go all out for the produce driver angle.Of course, there will be a ton of merchandising opportunity. We've got the authentic "Driver" limo hats, tuxedo t-shirts, novelty hitchhiking thumb, and rubber wrist band with the words "One World. One Voice. One Driver." inscripted on it. DVD's of the whole shebang will be out just in time for the holidays.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Clint said...
Now we're talkin'! It's time we get off our lazy asses and become proactive for once in our pathetic lives. And we need to encourage the rest of the world to do the same. Mellencamp's in? Great! What about Willy Nelson? Someone needs to look into that!! GODDAMMIT, PEOPLE, I can't do EVERYTHING ALONE!!! Sorry about that, this event is stressing me out, already. That's why it needs to be fun. I'll call Super Dave Osborne's people. We'll see if we can arrange some sort of cannon stunt where he flies over the crowd into a giant lemon meringue pie on the stage or something. Maybe a French silk. I CAN'T FUCKING DECIDE!! I NEED SOME HELP HERE!!!!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Alan said...
I was thinking that the concert could close with a star-studded jam on The Beatles "Drive My Car" followed by an impromptu encore performance of Chuck Berry's "I Want to Be Your Driver."
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Clint said...
Imagine all the huge names in that jam! I see something like this:

Piano: Paul McCartney
Piano: Elton John
Piano: Billy Joel
Piano: Phil Collins
Organ: Steve Winwood
Organ: Billy Preston
Keyboard: Stevie Wonder
Keyboard: Brian Wilson
Keyboard: The guy who plays for Brian Wilson
Keyboard: The OTHER guy who plays for Brian Wilson
Guitar: Eric Clapton
Guitar: Mark Knopfler
Guitar: Jimmy Buffett
Guitar: John Mayer
Guitar: Keith Richards
Guitar: Lindsey Buckingham
Guitar: GE Smith
Guitar: Lenny Kravitz
Guitar: Robert Smith
Guitar: John COUGAR Mellencamp
Guitar: The guy who plays for Mellencamp
Guitar: Whoever plays guitar for Coldplay
Guitar: Bonnie Rait
Bass: Sting
Bass: Flea
Bass: Paul McCartney (a little)
Bass: T-Bone Wolk
Drums: Ringo Starr
Drums: Phil Collins
Drums: Mick Fleetwood
Percussion: That bald guy who always plays percussion for these jams
Tamborine: Mick Jaggar
Vocals: Everyone
Thursday, July 14, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-We are asking Phil Collins to play drums and piano at the same time. I know at Live Aid he played in both London AND Philadelphia. This I gotta see.P.S. I know EXACTLY which bald guy you are talking about and it wouldn't be a tribute concert/all-star jam without him. But we also NEED Paul Shaffer to make it a TRUE tribute concert/all-star jam.P.P.S Have we decided on an MC yet? I was thinking Bob Hope or Jerry Lewis. "Hey DRIIIVVVER!"
Thursday, July 14, 2005

Clint said...
Well, Bob Hope is dead. Jerry Lewis has his plate full, but I was thinking of Dick Van Patten. People LOVE Dick Van Patten.
Thursday, July 14, 2005

Alan said...
Bob Hope is dead? So why does that discount him as an MC? With CGI and a good amount of footage anything is possible. What about Abe Vegota AND Beatrice Arthur? Now that's star power.
Thursday, July 14, 2005

tony said...
Fellas, I'm thinking about assembling a modern day odd couple. The new Martin and Lewis. I like to refer to them as "the Two Dicks." Yes, thats right, Dick van Patten and Andy Dick. They could MC for sure. Its the yin and the yang. Screw CG Bob Hope. Hope is out, Dicks are in!Think of the madcap hilarity onstage! We could have them doing skits in between sets. Vaudeville baby. Its all about the showmanship, and these two have it in spades. And we'll save a bundle in costumes since Andy Dick usually ends up running around in his underwear anyways.
Friday, July 15, 2005

Alan said...
They've gotta have a catch phrase. It's gotta be edgy, something we can put on a tee shirt and sell. Maybe ending every skit with the punch line "You don't know Dick!"
Saturday, July 16, 2005

Clint said...
This way, we can appeal to every demographic. I've talked to them both and we need to let Andy know that DVP WILL NOT appear on stage in a diaper while Andy wears his do-MAN-atrix leather speedo and whips him for being a "naughty little Dick."
Monday, July 18, 2005

tony said...
Why do I get the feeling that Richard "Dick" Lewis wants a piece of this action? Perhaps he could be a stand in for one of the Dicks. His harmlessly neurotic humor could be a breath of fresh air for the whole concert. And, if nothing else, he could host a charity auction by selling off old Boku containers with his signature on them.
Monday, July 18, 2005

Clint said...
Ah, Boku. His hair was longer, then. He going pretty bald, now. I'm pretty sure Lewis will be willing. The last time I saw him, he was on WGN Morning News promoting something or another. How low should we start the bidding on those Boku boxes?
Monday, July 18, 2005

Alan said...
What we need is a mixed drink to bring our cause to the attention of the people. The name would be "Take care of the Driver" of course. The ingrediants would be:

1. One shot of Stoli Vanilla Vodka
2. One shot pineapple rum
3. 1/2 Box Boku
4. 1/2 Box 7-UP
5. One wedge of pineapple

Served up in the boku box autographed by Richard Lewis. These would be served exclusively at the concert, at least initially. Then after the concert we could sell them premixed in the grocery stores.
Monday, July 18, 2005

Clint said...
I've been thinking, and Richard "Dick" Lewis might not be a good choice. His stage presence relied on his hair, and let's face it, it ain't 1994 anymore, fellas. Maybe we could "pipe him in" via saellite and put him on the big screens in between sets. Better yet, let's talk to the Flaming Lips about just showing him doing one of his rambling monologues (sans audio) in the background during their set. They're into all that weird, trippy visual shit.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005

tony said...
I'm getting the feeling you don't care for Richard Lewis much, Clint. But, lets put this all into perspective. Its all about the driver. Lets not forget his simple, yet heart-string-tugging plight. "Tip me!"I say we find (or build) the biggest f$!*ing coffee can we can and tell everyone to put their donations into it. And if they don't, Andy Dick will show up at their door wearing nothing but a diaper and a smile.
Thursday, July 21, 2005

Alan said...
Good news Rowan Atkinson is interested in making an appearance at the concert as Mr. Bean (he's a big Mr. T fan notice the A-Team sheets in "The Trouble with Mr. Bean") trying to take care of the driver with some pocket lint from his left suit coat pocket and a snot-covered hard candy from his right pocket. When the driver (Mr T.) doesn't find these peace offerings acceptable he pulls one of those "look at that" gestures and runs off stage. The only hitch is that he insists that the car be a three-wheeled blue model that must be flown over from London.This skit would of course be left off of the concert DVD as an "oversight" forcing people to buy the "Take Care of the Driver: The Complete First Season" DVD boxed set. It will be an extra entitled "Mr. Bean meets Mr. T."Fox is also interested in a Mr.T VS. Mr. Bean boxing match for their next celebrity boxing TV special. So I've started work on that project. Other tentative match ups include Roger Waters VS. David Gilmour, Axl Rose VS. Rose McGowan, and Don Johnson VS. Don Knotts.
Thursday, July 21, 2005

Clint said...
Mr. Bean? Hmm. I like the sound of it. Mr. T. was attached to this thing from the beginning, so we'll have to run it by him, first. I'm sure he'll like it. In the ring, he'll wear his Driver's uniform and shout "I PITTY THE FOOL WHO DRIVES THE MINI COOPER!" As for the giant coffee can idea? BRILLIANCE! What we need to do is after the concert, we'll inflate giant helium balloons attached to the coffee can and (after we collect the money, of course) let it float away as our message to the world. "Take care of the diver, planet Earth." We'll hope it doesn't fall on anyone's property. Or, we could even attach rockets and send it into space. Our message to the Universe!
Friday, July 22, 2005

tony said...
Well, I feel this thread drawing to a close, but if nothing else, I wanted it to hit 40 comments. That being said, the "Take Care of the Driver" craze is fallen on hard times. We're yesterdays news. The good news is that the benefit special was a roaring success. Andy Dick was barely clothed, so it obviously went well. The bad news is that most of the money went to the widows and orphans of dead limo drivers. Orphans, who needs them?Sadly, the licensed video games, t-shirts, cereals, toothbrushes, and novelty alarm clocks are all in the bargain bins along with the dvds. Now, comes the obvious task at hand. The comeback special!
Monday, July 25, 2005

Clint said...
Sadly, I have to agree with you. In this case, dreaming was 99% of the fun. It's really strange that I hadn't heard of this alarm clock, though. So, I went to a few local flea markets to find one. I looked everywhere and asked a couple of vendors who all seemed to scoff at me for searching for something so "out of fashion," so "last week." As I was leaving one market in Conroe, Texas feeling utterly washed up and dejected, I spied a little one-legged black man sitting next to a table of unwanted junk novelty items and cheap plastic lamps and avocado green kitchen appliances. I thought "what the hell," so I went over there to have a look around. And then, there it was, tarnished and filthy. Behold! I pressed down on the plastic Mr. T head on the top and heard the phrase, "TIME TO TAKE CARE OF THE DRIVER, FOOL!" Delighted, I asked the little man how much he wanted for it. No response. I asked louder and he still did nothing. So, I waved my hand in his direction to and he finally looked at me. He was deaf. I held the Mr. T clock, and he held up two fingers. After mistaking his gesture as a peace sign, I realized he wanted only two dollars. Two dollars! It was then the bitter failure of the whole "Take Care of the Driver" project came into agonizing perspective for me. Still, I dug into my pocket and remembered I spent three dollars and change for a corn dog and pop over at the food court. I only had about a dollar seventy left. I showed him what money I had, and he shook his head "no" and looked away. That was it. Leaving that alarm clock behind as I walked to my car, I knew it meant I have to leave behind an era of my life. "Take Care of the Driver" is over. Oh, sure, I'll produce the comeback specials, promote new Driver-related albums, help write pilots for new "Driver" TV shows and approve future "Take Care of the Driver" retail products, but it won't be the same. For now we need to focus on the present. We need to flee to a foreign country. Why? There are several dozen parties suing us. It seems we failed to turn dollar one in profit!
Monday, July 25, 2005

tony said...
But, in the end, it really wasn't about the money was it? Wait, nevermind. That was silly of me. The thing that we need to keep in perspective here, is that we made a difference. Dare I say, even helped to change the world. Yes, because every child that nagged their parents to get them a limo driver action figure complete with kung fu grip, removable jacket, and poseable arms and legs, knew that there was a moral behind all of this.Take the money and run like hell. Shine on you crazy driver.
Monday, July 25, 2005

Alan said...
Only one thing to do now. Wait for VH1 to call for our appearance on "Where are they Now?" Personally, I'm going with sexual addiction as my sob story.
Sunday, July 31, 2005

Random Movie Project: 'Palm Springs Weekend'

2006-02-07T12:26:00.000-08:00

This is a definite change of pace from last week's creepy women-in-prison flick. It also serves to further confound those wily clerks at the video store.

"Hey, you know that guy I was talking about? The one who rented that 'Women's Penitentiary' movie? Yeah, well he's here again. I'll bet you he rents a gay porn or something. What a weirdo... wait, wait here he comes!"

Palm Springs Weekend (1963)
Director: Norman Taurog
Screenplay: Earl Hamner Jr.

The movie's in Technicolor, but this is one of the only pictures I could find.

Summary:

It's Easter weekend in Palm Springs, CA, and that means the resorts will be full of college kids from Los Angeles. This also includes a bus full of college basketball players, a Hollywood stuntman from Texas, a daddy's-little-rich-girl from Beverly Hills, and a tomboy-ish, sexually frustrated girl from wherever who just wants a man - all of whom seem to be vying for the attention of a member of the opposite sex with whom to enjoy a fleeting, Palm Springs Weekend love affair.

But can the local sheriff keep his blood pressure in check long enough to keep his own daughter out of trouble? Boy-trouble, that is...

Impressions:

What's the deal with teenagers and college-age kids in movies from the fifties and sixties? It's something that has been noted by many and discussed at length by the cast of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." That is, they all seem to be in their thirties. Often, they're older that that. Sometimes, they look like they're middle-aged. Let's take one of the members of the college basketball squad, and the comic relief in this movie, Jerry Van Dyke, brother of the brilliant Dick Van Dyke and coach Hayden Fox's hilarious assistant coach, Luther Horatio Van Dam on ABC's "Coach." According to IMDb.com, he was born in 1931 which would have made him thirty-two at the time of this film's release. Robert Conrad was in this movie, too, when was only a couple years away from his role as James West in the TV series "Wild, Wild West." Oh, well. I'm sure it's all about Hollywood politics. At least it gave me a chance to see the "young" Jerry Van Dyke in an early role. He was pretty funny. He even played a banjo! He tries to woo a young girl with his banjo-playing skills but is ultimately foiled by the hunky Texan stuntman Doug 'Stretch' Fortune (played by Ty Hardin) and his big ol' acoustic guitar. Classic.

As for the rest of this movie, it's a pretty mindless and silly comedy. It's pretty typical of the early-sixties teen comedy genre, before movies (and audiences) became as cynical and pretentious as they are today. It had a certain Beach Blanket Bingo vibe which is mildly entertaining. Except it was set in the desert, so there was no beach... or blankets, for that matter. Just swimming pools and patio furniture. What more do you need?

I actually stopped paying close attention about three quarters of the way through, so barring some scene I may have missed featuring voyeurism hi-jinks with full-frontal nudity or Jerry Van Dyke getting caught masturbating, I pretty much caught the gist of the story. It came to a fitting end with relationships forged, hearts broken, life experience gained and plenty of pool water splashed as Van Dyke gets pushed in at least four times.

D' oh!

Next week's movie: Page 404, Line 34

STEW-PENDOUS

2006-02-05T20:14:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure about the story behind the panda thing, but I was present for the silly-putty phallus snapshot. There's no reason for 28-30 males to be behaving in this fashion, but this was actually a prank on our friend Kristin - we put multiple images on her camera while she was out buying food. What can I say? It seemed really funny at the time. It was over this last Thanksgiving break. I may or may not have personally fashioned it from gold and fleshtone colored silly-putty. We also may or may not have actually unplugged lamps and moved them around to improve the lighting in the living room for this shot at Tucci's house. This doesn't make me proud... but it makes me laugh.

As is a tradition with us, this was followed by a 2:00 am trip to the north side of Chicago for pizza-by-the-slice at Chicago Pizza pizza parlor.

Random Movie Project: 'Women's Penitentiary XII'

2006-01-29T18:45:00.000-08:00

This was the first time (surely not the last) where I was a little hesitant to rent the title which the Gods of randomization have bestowed upon me. The page I was to go to open was near the end of the catalog, so I knew it would be somewhere in the W-Z range. My heart sank as I saw that every title on my designated page began with the word "women." It sank further when my designated line number held the title "Women's Penitentiary XII."

99 Women (1969)
Dir: Jess Franco
Story: Jess Franco, Milo G. Cuccia and Carlo Fadda

Summary:

Three women on a rowboat arrive to Castillo de los Muerte (Castle of Death) on a prisoner's island led by the evil, emperor-like Governor Santos (Herbert Lom), and an even eviler butch warden, Thelma Diaz (Mercedes McCambridge). These women have led lives of sin, prostitution, drug addiction, murder and general waywardness. One of them is innocent, but cannot escape the trials of prison life. After Leonie Caroll (Maria Schell), a sympathetic government official, comes to inspect the prison, she intervenes by making life easier on the inmates, much to the behest of the disciplinarian, Diaz. With this newfound leniency, three women attempt to escape with the help of a lover/inmate from the men's ward, but things are never as easy as they seem.

99 Women, it seems, has undergone many, many editions - including the tape I rented which was labeled "Women's Penitentiary XII." Apparently, "Women's Penitentiary" was a franchise which had success on VHS. I guess some company bought the distribution rights to this movie and included it in their women-in-prison "collection." 99 Women was never a sequel in any series of chick prison movies. Other editions include an X-rated French version which had hardcore lesbo-erotic shots inserted years after the original film's production. Director Jess Franco is said to have largely disowned that version. Seems he wanted his women-in-prison flick to remain a respectable one.

Impressions:

Icky. This movie had an air of ickiness all over it. That's not to say that in an icky, exploitative way, it wasn't well made, because it kinda' was, if you can ignore the fact that nearly every interior seems to have been lit with one solitary light. But even with all the nice, scenic Brazilian exteriors and the Spanish and Italian architecture it features, the movie still mainly consisted of scenes of blurry lesbian encounters, rape, catfights, face smacking, hair-pulling, camera zooming, catfights, blurry what-nots and rape. There wasn't a whole lot more to this one. In an attempt to make the dialog as irritating as possible, the screenwriter saw fit to have all the characters repeat the same lines over and over:

"On the other side of the island, there's a fishing village... with boats!"

"She has committed repeated insolence!"

"Zis eez a place of punishment for crimes against zee laws of society!"

Oh, and one more thing - the actress who played the bull-dyke warden was also the voice of the possessed Regan MacNeil in The Exorcist.

Virtual A/V Tech

2006-01-27T23:31:00.000-08:00

Lean in close to this picture and you're there. Now stay there for four and a half hours and feel the lifelike sensation of what it's like to be a real A/V tech! This was my vantage point last Wednesday afternoon and evening from about 3:00-9:00 PM. I honestly couldn't tell you what this gathering was for. The screen says something about the "Team Contest Celebration." There were several speakers, PowerPoint presentations, laptop video and some VHS tape to play. That's all I remember.

Random Movie Project: 'Beverly Hills Brats'

2006-01-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

"You'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out!!"

That was the line that kept running through my head as I watched this week's Random Movie, Beverly Hills Brats. Is it because it stars Peter Billingsley, a.k.a. "Ralphie" from The Christmas Story, you ask(Billingsley is in full-on Ralphie mode, I should add - glasses and all)? Maybe. I mean, it's not as though that line was ever uttered by Martin Sheen, and he was in Beverly Hills Brats, too. He played Montgomery "Scooter" Miller's father. Paulie (Burt Young, also in Beverly Hills Brats) from the Rocky series never used that line, did he? I dunno. He might have. I only saw part of Rocky V. Ahh, perhaps it was Ramon Sheen, the oft-forgotten older brother of Charlie Sheen and son of Martin Sheen who played Scooter's brother, Sterling. Nah. Probably not.

Beverly Hills Brats (1989)
Dir: Jim Sotos
Screenplay: Terry Moore, Jerry Rivers and Linda Silverthorn
Exec Prod: Sir Rupert A. L. Perrin, MD

Ramon Sheen (a.k.a Ramón Estevez)

Summary:

Lot's of "why the hells" in this one. First, why the hell do we put the 80's on such a lofty pedestal? After watching this movie, an unbiased, yet playfully pugnacious space alien you might have living with your family at home would demand to know what all the fuss is about? Clothes? Ugly. Hair? Ugly. Cars? Ugly. Okay, some of the cars were awesome (I saw my old Honda Prelude in there!). And the computers were awesome, too - if you were a rich little brat from Beverly Hills, apparently. Scooter, our "star," has everyhing; a high-tech bedroom with computers that do his homework at the punch of a single key; daily hundred-dollar bills for lunch money; leather Gucci ballcaps and Vision Street Wear T-shirts. Everything, that is, but the love and attention of his family. Time to fake being kidnapped to get the folks at home to notice him! It's fool-proof!

Impressions:

I have to admit, when my super secret randomization process turned up this title, I was concerned. But all that worry seemed to melt away like butter on top of a bowling ball in the microwave after seeing the star-studded, well, star-kissed cast credits in the beginning of this film. I mean, it has Martin Sheen! And an awesome cameo by none other than Whoopi Goldberg, herself. And in 1989, that was HUGE. I mean, I don't understand what Martin Sheen was doing in this cheesy 80's comedy, but screw it. He was there. So was Burt Young as the hapless down-on-his-luck race track gambler turned house burglar, Clive, who gets detected by Scooter's home security system he has in his bedroom (where else?). Scooter then offers Clive the chance to kidnap him and keep the ransom money his dad, a filthy rich plastic surgeon who draws pictures of boobs at the dinner table instead of talking to his family, would surely pay. Dad also often visits patients at home to "adjust their breasts" because "breasts constantly need to be watched." That's okay, because mom cheats, too. But I guess that's the charm of this picture, if you could call it charm. It held nothing back in terms of cheese and one-liners. And that's what 80's movies were all about, right?

Check out the trailers here and here.

Planet Zero

2006-01-19T21:07:00.000-08:00

I wondered into this interesting Japanese arcade/game museum/juice bar today. I had heard about this place and its location, and not knowing where the intersection was, I somehow found myself in the area, noticing the street names on the way back from a bookstore, and there it was: Planet Zero. I think it might have said "Planet Zero Anime Center" or something like that. Anyway, it's really just an arcade (where you pay money to charge your swipe card to play) that has all Japanese games and video game themed merchandise. The girl who works there tracked me down and gave me all the general info and told me about the tournaments and stuff. Lots of loud noises and flashing lights, so I didn't last long in there. I did get these snazzy snapshots, though. These are exhibit display pieces encased in wall-mounted plastic bubbles. Please excuse the crappy cell phone quality.

Neo-Geo was one of the best home systems of its time - especially if you liked fighting games.

The classic Sega Master System

A selection of Japanese games. That yellow cartridge at the top is Super Mario Bros. and it comes with character keychains.

The Super Famicom a.k.a. the Japanese Super Nintendo

Random Movie Project: 'Heroes Shed No Tears'

2006-01-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

This experiment has already manifested its potential quality. I understand that for every great movie I get, there will be approximately 100 crappy movies, but today must've been an exception. For today I saw John Woo's Heroes Shed No Tears.

Heroes Shed No Tears (1986)
Writer/Director: John Woo

Summary:

This is a tale of conviction, family honor, courage, loyalty and explosive fireballs of death. In Ying Xiong Wei Lei or Heroes Shed No Tears, we follow the story of Chan Chung (Eddy Ko), a Chinese ex-mercenary hired by the Thai government to kidnap a drug tycoon, a stubborn fellow called Samton, from the deadly region of southeast Asia known as "Golden Triangle." To succeed in this quest, he must also protect his family (all of whom die, except for his son), dodge millions of bullets and fireballs (he gets both shot and burned), rescue a French reporter, his wife and his chauffeur (again, all of whom die) and recruit the help of Louis, an old American war buddy with a wide selection of live-in prostitutes (you guessed it, they all die). Actually, pretty much everyone this guy knows dies, thus teaching a valuable lesson: if you ever encounter Chan Chung in the middle of a kidnapping plot, assassination mission, or even at Lens Crafters, get at least one hundred miles away as quickly as possible because, chances are, you'll die. He even sat back and watched the evil Vietnamese forces light a circle of gasoline on fire around his son. Luckily, the resilient little kid began digging in the dirt with his bare hands a buried himself to escape the flames. And it worked! Of course it's impossible, but it's more than his father was apparently willing to try.

Impressions:

The first thing you'll notice about this movie, or at least the poor 1992 video transfer I watched, are the hilariously bad subtitles.

"Golden Triangle lies in the delta area amidst Burma, Cambodia and Thailand where produces 75% of world's drug. February this year the Thai government determining to destroy it and it's tycoon Sampton sent out a recruited troop which was made up of several Chineses..."

One scene even has his American pal, Louis, shouting (in English) "You Motherfucker!!" while the subtitles read "You son of a bitch!"

Actually, their English is way better than my Cantonese, or what ever the hell language this movie was translated from, so I can't really complain about that. As a whole this was actually a pretty enjoyable film. John Woo's tendency towards blood, guts and bullets is fully exhibited, here. Woo has even said this was his first "real film." According to IMDb, this movie was shelved after completion and never saw actual release until the success of Woo's following feature, A Better Tomorrow. It certainly sets the tone for his later movies such as Hard-Boiled, Hard Target and The Killer. Pretty much everything he made before he "went Hollywood" with Broken Arrow, Face/Off and Mission Impossible II.

But redemption can still be had - I'm still waiting for John Woo's He-Man and Metroid.

Random Movie Project

2006-01-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

Here's an idea. In order to keep this weblog alive with interesting stuff to write about, I'm considering following:

As I've mentioned, there is a video store down the street (Audio/Video Plus) that has somewhere between 60,000 and 80,000 titles in stock. What's interesting about the store is that they have a catalog on the front counter that gets updated every few months containing the entire library. Usually, what the regular customers do is go straight to the thick catalog and search for their titles by name, write the catalog numbers on little sheets of paper with pencils they provide and give it to the clerk who goes back into the stacks to retrieve the tape. Sort of like a library.

This might be fun, it might be a miserable, horrible idea and it might be both, but what if on an occasional basis (perhaps weekly, perhaps bi weekly/semi-monthly) someone were to walk in, go to the catalog, open up to a random page, blindly point to a title, write the number down and hand it to the clerk, watch the video and review the movie/document their experience? The only rules are no peeking and no second picks. Viewer be warned, though; they carry 'adult themed' titles. Also, children's titles.

Kindly give me your thoughts.

Well...

2006-01-12T19:21:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a while, hasn't it?

First of all, let me thank you all for your ongoing support as I struggle with my recent diagnosis. All the flowers and free hugs! Okay, I was only joshing. No such diagnosis. I don't have any life threatening diseases, God willing. What I do have, however, is a new iPod. Irony has reared its beautiful head in the form of a holiday party raffle ticket at our annual Christmas fête at work (held in January). I held the winning ticket for the 'Grand Prize' iPod Nano. What makes it ironic is I had just purchased the 30GB iPod Video for Katrina for Christmas. And upon opening the Nano package, she fell for the thing and the 30GB was bequeathed over to me. That makes three iPod children in the family. It's true, you tend to forget about the old, boring kids when a newer, more beautiful one is born. I recently labled my original 2003 iPod as "Clint's Old But Still Useful iPod" in iTunes. As my boss loudly and publicly remarked when I held aloft the winning ticket, "Hey! This guy's got three of these things, now!"

On the other end of the lame-to-cool spectrum, I recently had to endure a defensive driving course for a speeding ticket I got a while back in Galveston County. I opted for the course so as to wipe the thing off my record, and it was a little cheaper than actually paying for the deferment. There are several ways to do this: One option is to find a class and attend it. Another option (I learned about from a girl at work) is to rent tapes and a special VCR that records your test scores from a video store. Finally, there's the online course - which is what I chose.

It totally sucked.

For six hours I was a slave to the PC. And no, you cannot let the thing play for six hours while you sleep. If it idles too long, your course is terminated. If you answer too many questions wrong along the way, your course is terminated. And if the program suspects any cheating at all, your course is terminated. Generally, you get a page of text to read with the occasional embedded Flash animation or cheesy video. And at the bottom, there's a timer with, let's say, 00:01:30 on it will count down before you can advance to the next page. No matter how fast you can read, you must wait. Then, there might be a non-relevant question to make sure you watched the video. "What did the boyfriend say to the girl when she asked for the keys?" Shit like that. As I am not severely mentally retarded, I passed with flying colors.

But after I completed the course, I became ensnared in a catch-22 where in order to get my Certificate of Completion, I needed to fax in a notarized "Certificate of Assurance" claiming I took the test myself with no third party assistance, but had no picture ID to get the thing notarized since I had to surrender my Indiana license when I went to the license branch and applied for my Texas driver's license (which takes a month to come in the mail) which I needed to apply for a copy of my Texas driving records to mail to the court along with my (unattainable) Certificate of Completion. Driving records, mind you, that I couldn't possibly have accumulated since, up to that point, I had no Texas driver's license, just an Indiana one which I had to surrender, leaving me with no picture ID to get the Certificate of Assurance notarized. Something like that. It's late, and I'm not even going to attempt to proof-read this paragraph.

Luckily, I happened to casualy mention all this to my boss, and he literally produced a notary stamp and ledger from thin air like he was David Copperfield or something. Who knew this guy was a Notary Public?

Again, I don't recommend the online course. I've even heard from two separate co-workers that you can actually go to a comedy club to take the course for the same price, lunch included. Okay, sure, so you can do the online thing in your underwear and all, but I'd rather get out of the house, you know? I guess I'm old-fashioned like that. Besides, If you ask me, underwear is overrated as leisure apparel.

Oh, and I'm now a member of Netflix. It's handy for several reasons. No, not so I can rent scratched, fullscreen pan-n-scan copies of White Chicks and Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. Now, I won't be giving another dollar to the criminally overpriced Blockbuster Video or the despicably ghetto Hollywood Video. And Netflix carries titles which are fun to watch, but not necessarily fun to buy that most video stores won't have. There are two family-owned video stores in town, Audio/Video Plus and Cactus Music & Video, which I will still regularly and proudly patronize for the inevitable impulse rental and oddball title.

Christmas in California

2005-12-30T23:53:00.000-08:00

We spent Christmas in California with family. Not much to say other than everything was great. I'll let the pictures tell the rest.

Demon Dog

2005-12-30T23:44:00.002-08:00

We went to Big Bear Lake with my mom and my sister. We stumbled into a great old-school arcade where we played Skeeball and other classics such as this.

Mario Bros.

2005-12-30T23:44:00.001-08:00

Actually, this deserves a little back story. We went down this Alpine rolling sled ride; and where I went so fast that I slid off the side of my vehicle and scraped the track on the sharp curves, Katrina actually went too slow and the girl behind her (who started after the customary ten second gap) actually caught up and bumped her. This picture shows the frustration and disappointment felt by the poor girl who spent four dollars to ride the Alpine Sled only to get held up by Katrina, the frightened little slow-poke.

2005-12-30T23:44:00.000-08:00

Penelope the dog

2005-12-30T23:43:00.000-08:00

2005-12-30T23:42:00.000-08:00

Another Classic

2005-12-30T23:41:00.001-08:00

The Classics

2005-12-30T23:41:00.000-08:00

Discs of Tron

2005-12-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

At Big Bear Lake

Salvation Army Salvage

2005-12-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

A recent trip to the local Salvation Army to donate some clothes before our move to a new apartment yielded an awesome find for me; a Mitsubishi!

VCR!

Not just any VCR, but an S-VHS VCR. It's a higher-end, slightly more professional machine with S-Video outputs which are more useful in this digital age than regular old composite outputs. Also, one of my two old VCRs had developed a weak stomach, in that it can't seem to keep anything down. Well, certain Sony tapes, anyway. Like many weak stomachs, it may have an aversion to Japanese. And though it's still an analog format, the HS-U780 will come in handy when digitizing VHS tapes for burning to DVD. Oh, and the VCR was only $16.00 and it works like a charm. Not bad since I found the same model (minus controller just like mine) sold for $105.00 on eBay last month!

Our trip to the S.A. thrift store also yielded these neat pictures.

Check out the mind-numbing array of switches on this Baldwin organ.

This piano looks really old. Notice there are no pedals. The bench is equally ornate.

I came this close to buying this.

Ah, Texas...

2005-12-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

I spotted this on the way to work yesterday, and I thought it demaded a little research. So I found this website.

http://www.kinkyfriedman.com/

If this doesn't get the kids out there to vote, nothing will.

Pikcher Fone

2005-12-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

Here's a few pictures from our Thanksgiving break. I didn't have a nice camera or anything. Just the one that came with my new phone. When I signed the new contract, I asked for the cheapest phone they had since my old one was all screwed up, and they sold me this one. Even the cheap phones have cameras in 'em, now. Here's a few sample shots.

Katrina strikes a stunning* pose. This is actually here at our apartment.

This is Josh. We've been rollin' since nine-seven. PUC style.

Stew (not sleeping). We've also been rollin' since tha' Purdizzle Daze.

Chicago's Sears Tower from the window at Katrina's mom's condo.

Again, here in Houston. Katrina actually made the Princess Leia joke before did, but I snapped the picture.

Gilda Grace Rivera in her "Suddenly, Grace!" pose.

* For the remainder of this post, I'll be using the term "stunning" as a replacement for "zombie-like." Thank you for your time.

I'm Alright

2005-11-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

Here he is - the man; the myth; the beard...

Kenny Loggins!!

Actually, this picture is from a couple weeks ago when we worked a charity event at the Hyatt which featured Kenny Loggins. This was taken (not by me) from about sixty feet away, so the picture isn't exactly Mapplethorpe quality - okay, maybe that's not the best example.

As for his performance, I was actually quite impressed. His band was awesome and he still has his pipes. He played all of his big hits including "I'm Alright," "Danger Zone," "Footloose," "Return to Pooh Corner," the Loggins and Michael McDonald tune, "This is It," and even the Loggins and Messina hit, "Danny's Song" which features the verse:

Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup
Drink it up, love her and she'll bring you luck
And if you find she helps your mind, better take her home
Don't you live alone, try to earn what lovers own

And even though we ain't got money
I'm so in love with ya, honey
And everything will bring a chain of love
And in the mornin' when I rise
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me, everything is gonna be alright

Goddamn it, now I'm crying. I told myself I wouldn't do this.

Cheesy lyrics aside, great tune. And judging by... oh, I don't know, the way he trims his goatee I guess, he seems like a cool guy.

Dreamcast 2.0

2005-11-08T22:12:00.000-08:00

I found this article sort of amusing - mostly due to the fact that I've recently purchased a Sega Dreamcast. Not that I give a crap about the new Microsoft Xbox 360, mind you. It's just a great example of obsessive, over-analytical video game journalism.

In other news, I've been working nights at the new property where I've been 'assigned.' I blame that for my recent lack of web log posts. Besides, there's nothing really exciting to discuss. I guess that's not really "news," but it'll do for now.

End of an Era?

2005-11-01T21:58:00.000-08:00

Today, I have done, perhaps for the final time, something I have done at least once every year since I was old enough to do it; buy a Star Wars movie. Revenge of the Sith came out this week, and adding it to my collection truly makes the saga complete.

Oh, hell! Who am I kidding? This teat is still full of milk. There's the subsequent Super-Deluxe Blu-Ray DVD Ultimate Special Edition Mach-4 Versions coming out any day now, not to mention the live action television series which will need to be released on the Digital Versatile Disc format at least once. Plus whatever future formats there will be.

Now that it comes to it, I'd better clear off a few more shelves.

Star Wars: Compressed

2005-10-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

thanks to Tony S. for this entertaining little gif. If you missed the beginning of the feature, just wait a few seconds for the encore presentation.

edit: It won't display correctly here, but please enjoy this exciting link!

http://x2.putfile.com/10/29405035849.gif

Nintendogs? Meet "Nintengirls."

2005-10-24T21:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, Nintengirls! Part of me wishes this was real. It's not that I'd actually buy it or anything. I mean, I might set up an account on Gamefly.com, get a new P.O. Box address and rent it. Okay, not even. I'd probably just steal a copy out of morbid curiosity. Because what would be the point of this game? I mean, besides... well, you know. In Nintendogs, you raise a dog from a puppy. What would you do here? Raise girls? I won't even get into the potential touch-screen applications.

Set

2005-10-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

Here's one of the stage sets we created for a group who came to our hotel recently. We also did their sound and video. I guess they told us they wanted the theme to be "purple."

We said "okay."

More Late Nights

2005-10-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well, that's my excuse for now, anyway. Who feels like typing away; going all Doogie Howser at night when you've just been working for ten hours, and it's already 1:00 in the morning? Not I.

10/11/2005

2005-10-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been working late these last few nights, so I haven't really posted much here.

I did happen to catch a little of the New York Yankees embarrassing defeat on T.V. at work last night. The fact that the Yankees suffered two humiliating post-season eliminations two years in a row suggests the existence of a wise and benevolent God. The video footage of Bubba Crosby and Gary "Hot Head" Sheffield colliding on the warning track, allowing the Angels to score two runs and take a 3-2 lead, indicates a chance that there is still goodness and mercy in the universe.

Of course, the jury is still out on all of this, but now we have some pretty compelling evidence.

Getting Cooler

2005-10-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

It's finally beginning to get a little cooler here in Houston. Today's high was only around 80º, and according to weather.com, it's currently a cool and comfortable 64º. Since it's fall, I'm feeling particularly homesick for the Midwest. Autumn has always been my favorite. There's nothing like an overcast 60º day in October with the leaves beginning to change. It invokes that pensive sort of melancholy. A similar thing can happen down here, but it lacks the splendor of fall in Indiana.

Katrina is currently karaoke'ing with some co-workers for a "girls night out." Here am I left to my own (electronic) devices. Yes, I got a few more classic video games for the collection, today. Namely, Shadowgate for the Nintendo Entertainment System and Super Metroid and StarFox for the Super Nintendo. I swear to God, if you were to hang out with me for a week, you'd swear you died and woke up in 1994. You'd probably try to ask me why I insist on living in the past; but you'd never finish your question before I'd plug my ears with my fingers, close my eyes and loudly begin singing "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden. Don't try to save me.

Recent (and semi-recent) classic game related acquisitions:

Jim Henson's Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival (NES)

-A used Sega Dreamcast with two controllers and a VMU memory card!
-Shenmue (Sega Dreamcast)
-Expendable (Sega Dreamcast)
-Virtua Tennis (Sega Dreamcast)
-Dynamite Cop! (Sega Dreamcast)
-Galaga (NES)
-Shadowgate (NES)
-Jim Henson's Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival (NES)
-Super Metroid (SNES)
-NBA Jam (SNES)
-Super Empire Strikes Back (SNES)
-StarFox (SNES)
-Donky Kong Country (SNES)
-Capcom Classics Collection (PS2)
-Sega Classics Collection (PS2)

A History of Violence

2005-10-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

We went to see the new David Cronenberg movie, A History of Violence, tonight. This one gets my recommendation. Viggo Mortensen is now an A-list movie star, and I'm glad he's not making crap movies. Of course, I've still never seen Hidalgo. Ed Harris plays a great bad guy and look for William Hurt to steal the show. I tend to lean towards character driven movies these days, and AHOV is a really deep and complex character study. It also has some really well-crafted dialogue and great pacing that many, or I should say, most movies lack.

On a completely different topic, Katrina revealed to me she knows how to ride a motorcycle. This, I need to see.

Now That This Site's Working

2005-10-06T20:06:00.000-07:00

Seems like every time I came here to post something in the past few days, Blogspot has been down for "scheduled maintenance." Now that it's up, I can't think of anything to say. Isn't it ironic? Don't cha' think?

Report on Austin Show

2005-10-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

We got back from the Capitol city of Austin earlier. My review of the Chesnutt/Richman double billing would be a positive one. The venue was in a VERY small University of Texas cafe/bar called the Cactus Club located right in the Student Union. Vic's set was great, but it went by really too quick. He had a few problems with his mostly crippled hands cramping up while playing guitar and had to literally pause in the middle of a few songs to bend his thumb back into place, but he played through it. It was a really low-key set, too with most people sitting on the floor so everyone could see the wheelchair-bound singer. I really like how the quiet songs were puctuated by his souring voice and awesome lyrical ability. Since it was a double billing, they only played about ten songs each. Jonathan was slightly impeded by a seemingly nasty cold, but, as always, he played a very entertaining set, too. Everyone left happy.

Aside from the show, Austin proved to be a pretty interesting town filled with students, hippies, bums, and pretty much every combination of those three, including the drop-out student turned hippie-bum. I guess that's pretty much any college town.

Best bum sighting, though - on a freeway intersection near the IHOP, there was a forty-year-old guy holding a sign that said: "37¢ short of a soft shell taco."

Off to Austin

2005-10-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

We're on our way to see Jonathan Richman and Vic Chesnutt in Austin, TX.

Be back tomorrow.

Giant Sea Squid Photograph: GET!

2005-09-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the Japanese finally photographed the legendary sea-monster squid creature of ancient myth and lore. This one's about as long as an extended Chevy van, or a little longer than a '78 Buick. I'm not a scientist, so please excuse my archaic units of measurement. I guess they tried to reel it in, too, but it got away... well, minus one squid-arm, that is. They still seemed pleased as punch to be able to pull up one of his enormous tentacles. What is it with the Japanese and tentacles, anyway. I remember when I used to work at an Italian restaurant in the summer of 1995, and I used to prep calamari for deep-frying. Once there was this one squid that was, like, a couple inches longer than the others. Yeah, that was pretty cool.

Random Pictures of Where We Live

2005-09-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

The pool after Rita

Downtown from our building

Downtown from W. Gray

On A Side Note

2005-09-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

I'd like to point out a couple of links I found on the Mystery Science Theater 3000 info club site, Mst3k.com.

First is a recent list of the top 50 cable television programs of all time. These were compiled by Cableworld.com. MST3k landed at number 49. I know I'm a fan and everything, but I think it still needs to come before Wrestlemania (WWF), Emeril Live and The Real World. It even got beat by The O.J. Simpson Trial. But, hey - it still fared better than C-SPAN's Booknotes.

Secondly, the fine individuals at Boston.com, an arts & entertainment site by the Boston Globe, did a list of the top fifty sci-fi television shows of all time, and placed MST3k in the top 10 at number 9! It was edged out by Dr. Who by one spot. I like to think of that as more of a tie. They both beat Xena: Warrior Princess, but neither one was better than Stargate SG-1, apparently. But a top ten mention for a low budget show from Eden Prarie, Minnesota is a pretty impressive thing.

Click here for the classic intro.

Coming Back

2005-09-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

Well, we tried to go shopping today, but the grocery store was all out of produce, most meat products, dairy products and many of the essential canned goods. A telling sign that things were amiss at the grocery was at the deli counter where the same trays of cole slaws and pasta salads I saw browning in the display case on Thursday were in an even more advanced state of brown, today. We were, however, able to eat lunch at a local deli restaurant which was serving a limited menu of items. You could choose between a deli meat sandwich or a baked potato. The potato was really good.

Our local CVS was closed as well. In fact, I'd say Houston is only back up to about 50% operational capacity at this point. Not due to the hurricane as much as people fleeing the hurricane. We're both still off from work tomorrow, so that's a pretty good indication that it'll be a while before this town's fully back up and running. I surely cannot complain, though. Just look at New Orleans.

Whoosh!

2005-09-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, here’s a riddle:

You’re taking a nice Sunday morning stroll with the actor, Michael Caine, star of such fine films as Get Carter, The Cider House Rules and Batman Begins, and what with his fragile age, he begins to lag behind a bit. With a reverent tone in your voice deserved by an actor of his prominence and respect, you say to him, “Hurry, Michael!”

He says to you, “Son, I will only oblige if you address me by my last name and my last name only.”

What do you say?

After all the hullabaloo over Houston’s certain demise in the wake of hurricane Rita, it turned out to be little more that a robust wind storm. That doesn’t mean they had an easy time of it in Port Arthur and Lake Charles near the Texas/Louisiana border. There was also a fire on Galveston island that destroyed a few buildings in the historical “Strand” district. I think the real story this week is the botched evacuation (or “exodus” if you watch Fox News) of Houston and low-lying coastal towns in Texas. One overheated bus carrying senior citizens away from Galveston caught fire on the expressway and caused their oxygen tanks to explode killing many of them. Twenty-four, last I heard. But as 2.5 million fleeing Texans will tell you, “better safe than sorry.”

"I still see her dark eyes glowin'..."

2005-09-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

Name that lyric.

I just got back from Galveston where I've been staying for three days to do a show for a bunch of rich McDonald's owners/operators. Right after we left the island, they announced mandatory evacuations. Hurricane Rita's coming. 'Summbitch is fixin' to bear down! I guess they're putting them in Houston and moving some of the current Louisiana/Mississippi evacuees to Arkansas, or something. They were beginning to smell bad, anyway. Of course, Galvestonites don't smell much better, really.

But we kid our evacuees. We're cool like that.

Fun With ROMs Vol. I

2005-09-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of old NES games I've recently downloaded to relive the old days.

Anyone remember "Rollergames?" Here's a game I used to have and played a lot back around the 8th grade. I remember beating this after school one afternoon with my friend, Nate. It seemed pretty epic at the time.

It begins as a lot of these games based on violent organized sports did - with stale announcers catching you up to speed on the action. In this case, it looks like they've hired Charlie Watts and Jonathan Frakes. I've always said those two should team up.

Now it's time to select your team. If you select "Hot Flash," you get to play as a girl. "Rockers" are my favorite. They're all long-haired punks. By the way, who thinks the hostess is hot? Me, no, I don't think so. But I can, like, see where some people might think so and stuff.

Is this supposed to be a threat? Not very intimidating coming from someone's grandma. "Bad Attitude?" Hey, I guess the first step is admitting it.

This is what happens if you select the "T-Birds." You have to play as this tubby looser. He's slower and can't jump very far.

As fun is "Rollergames" can be, sometimes you need something a little more "adult oriented." This is where "Ring King" comes in.

Every fighter in this game looks exactly alike. The only differences are in their skin and hair colors. You can be the white guy with the red afro or the brown guy with the green afro. There's many more variations on this basic theme. As for the game, it starts off innocently enough - as boxing games go, anyway. In Japan, this game was called "Family Boxing."

But then you get to this scene. This in in between rounds when you go to your corner to receive oral sex from your twin midget trainer. Maybe this kind of stuff flies in Japan, but in the U.S., midget fellatio is generally frowned upon - in most family circles, anyway.

Stay tuned for another fun-filled edition of "Fun With ROMs!"

...the HELL?

2005-09-15T21:35:00.000-07:00

Nintendo finally revealed the much speculated about controller for their new game console. The Revolution controller looks like part iPod, part TV remote, part suicide bomb detonation device - for the hipper, more 'with it' metrosexual terrorist. As you can see, I found these images on ign.com, and you can read this article for more details. Basically, it senses where the controller is in relation to a 'home' or 'neutrlal' position. Tilting, slashing and moving it around in your hand will have in-game effects.

Neat, huh? I said, "NEAT, HUH!"

Well, anyhow, I see it this way; with this controller, Nintendo has officially and irreversibly dropped out of the console war with Sony and Microsoft. Perhaps there will still be an add-on that will mimic a more traditional controller in form and function, but we'll have to wait and see. As for me, I'll buy it. I've gotten every Nintendo console so far and have yet to be let down. But for Nintendo's sake, they had better show some pretty bitchin' applications for this thing, or it might go the way of the Virtual Boy. And by that, I mean straight to the Isle of Misfit Toys.

"Who's ever heard of a 'Charlie' In The Box?"

Quick One

2005-09-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's a fast post.

I have to be up pretty early to drive to Galveston for the third straight day. There's a group from NASA and the German and Russian space agencies holding a meeting to discuss a possible manned Mission to Mars.

M2M, daddy-o. The real thing.

I get to hear all about it in this little meeting room where all I do is babysit a laptop and load their Power Point presentations. Should I steal them and post them here? Yeah, right - and get fired. They're mostly all about centrifuge issues, anyway. They're discussing a centrifuge on the spacecraft to generate artificial gravity and give the crew members resistance-based exercises so they don't become weak. After all, there won't exactly be a team of doctors on the Red Planet to help them get back into shape as they adjust to the gravity when they get there.

In other news, the new McCartney album is really good. His best in a while. I've enjoyed his last few efforts - pretty much everything since and including Flaming Pie. Anything's better than 1993's painful Off the Ground. The new record, Chaos and Creation in the Backyard, was produced by Nigel Godrich of Radiohead and Beck fame. McCartney has said the process was "painful" and like being "pulled through the hedge backwards" or something like that. I know Nigel wasn't afraid to tell Paul something was "shit" if he thought so. He even made Paul ditch his band and record most of the parts himself. But the result is really good and very different for Paul. Not in terms of melodic quality, though these are mostly all really strong melodies, but more in terms of texture and production.

Pop-Up!

2005-09-13T18:58:00.000-07:00

Guess what I found for three dollars at a used book store in Galveston during my lunch break at work today. Huh? Did you answer a Return of the Jedi pop-up book from 1983?

You're right!!

Best. Pop-up. Book. Ever.

Just look at that glossy cover!

What happens here??

Uh-oh!

I guess someone really does loose an arm in every Star Wars movie. And heads, apparently.

Sorry if I ruined the ending for anyone.

It's kinda' hard to make out the 3D effect in this picture, but trust me - it's AWESOME!

Okay, there you have it. Time, now, to take your naps, children. Finish your milk, Charlie. Sweet dreams.

Absenteeism

2005-09-11T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here drinking my first Capri Sun fruit drink pouch in about 15 years. Katrina said they had a similar drink in the Philippines called 'Zest-O'. Sounds funny.

I've not had a chance to update the blog for a while due to working twenty-nine hours in the past two days. I'm sure the same thing will happen next week since I'll be in Galveston for work for three days, staying there for two nights at the hotel where they're supposedly accommodating me with a room. It's way better than the forty-five to fifty mile drive there and back.

Hideous

2005-09-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

Another gigantic bug tried to ruin my day. This is in the outdoor laundry closet. Sorry for the poor quality of this photo, but in order to get the camera at a better angle to take this shot, I'd have had to put myself in a position where I could have potentially become trapped. If he decided to take flight in my general direction, I'd like to have the ability to flee.

You can't really tell, but this thing is missing one of his hind legs. What a trooper.

Virtual Beagle

2005-09-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

We picked up Nintendogs, the new virtual dog training game for the DS. Actually, it's not so much a game as it is a simulator. Katrina's been the one playing it, mostly. I really just toy around with it. The dog she picked out at the in-game kennel is a beagle puppy she named "Arnie."

It recognizes her voice and she's trained it to do about a half dozen tricks and commands so far. The amount of things you can do in the game are astounding. From daily feeding/watering to grooming and bathing. You can enter various contests to earn money you use to buy doggy related things and even decorate your virtual pad. If you take the DS with Nintendogs with you when you leave home, and have it 'on' or in 'sleep mode,' and you happen to come within, say, thirty feet of another owner, the dogs will even begin barking and interacting with one another, thus encouraging you to interact with another actual person in real life and allowing you to unlock new items and dogs in your game. I imagine this feature is bigger in Japan with their digital social culture than here; but with 250,000 units sold in the U.S. in the first week alone, who knows.

It's Official

2005-09-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

Weekend Summary

2005-09-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

Katrina's sister and cousins came to visit for a fun-filled weekend of shopping, eating, driving, movie watching, shopping, safe-at-home tequila drinking, going to Galveston beach, swimming, shopping and driving. It all went down pretty much without a hitch. Our trip to Galveston (pictured above, left to right: Grace, Abby, Katrina and Pamela) was fun, but it came at a price yet to be named - I got a speeding ticket on the way down there. Other than that, it was all pretty nice. Oh, and as we dropped the final relative off at the airport, the car began to overheat. So we'll have to deal with that, tomorrow.

We rented two movies last night: Layer Cake and Hide and Seek. Hide and Seek was okay, but I really recommend Layer Cake. It's a British crime flick pretty much in the same vein as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. In fact, it was directed, not by Guy Ritchie, but by Matthew Vaughn, the producer of Lock, Stock' and Snatch. It's a little grittier than those two movies, but still very stylish and slick. Check it out.

Crowded House

2005-09-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

Many people in our hotel are those who fled the hurricane in Louisiana and Mississippi. I heard the place was booked solid. One of the things I had to do tonight was play DVD's in a little make-shift movie theater in the Exhibit Hall in the basement of the hotel for a bunch of little kids who had nothing else to do. Thankfully, the hotel supplied them with cookies, cold water, and activities. Other than that, it was a pretty mundane night.

Tomorrow, Katrina's sister and two cousins are coming to stay with us for the weekend. When this group gets together, I become the black sheep and the butt of every joke. I really love the feeling of Katrina looking at me, muttering something in a language I don't understand, and then having all three girls start laughing. It happens a lot. Then it's "here, you drive!"

New Music Wednesday

2005-08-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

I recently got a couple of new import CD's in the mail. They're both by Ian Broudie. One is his new "solo" album called Tales Told and the other is an EP called Smoke Rings which is a song of off of the aforementioned album (plus three other songs). If his name doesn't ring a bell, he's the singer from The Lightning Seeds. Now, if "The Lightning Seeds" doesn't ring a bell, they had a moderately successful song in the States called "Pure" back in 1989/1990. They also have a song called "Change" which can be heard during a montage scene in the movie, Clueless. They also did a cool version of The Turtles' "You Showed Me." In my opinion, he's one of the best songwriters currently working; and one of my top four all-time favorite songwriters from Liverpool. In reality, he is The Lightning Seeds in much the same way that Robert Smith is The Cure. So, what makes this a "solo" album, then? There were a couple players on the last couple 'Seeds records who were not present for this one. But mostly, I'd say it's the departure from the Lightning Seeds style. They have a sound that has been called "perfect pop." These songs are more introspective and mostly all acoustic. He has said he's been listening to other songwriters such as Nick Drake and Johnny Cash, and it shows. There's also a hidden instrumental track that sounds like it was straight from the Pet Sounds sessions.

While this record isn't bursting with little pop gems like a typical 'Seeds album, I like it for what it is. It's one of those records that reveals its charms slowly, and, as such, requires repeat listenings to fully enjoy it.

What Subtle Aroma?

2005-08-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

When buying wine, nowadays, I'm reminded of how silly wine descriptions can sound. If you've ever been to a wine shop or looked through any guides, you'd know what I mean. You can also watch the movie Sideways for more on the topic. We went to a place called The Houston Wine Merchant where I literally goggled at some of the $325.00 bottles they had on the shelves. I know they go even higher than that - way higher, in fact. I bought a simple $11.95 bottle, tasted some Pinot Noir and a Chardonnay and that was it. Anyway, here are some humorous sounding descriptions I've come across:

"Superripe aromas of bitter cherry, flowers and cola, with a suggestion of aged steak."

"...comforting flavors of cocoa and deep black cherry with toffee notes."

"Its inky/black/purple color is accompanied by superb aromas of white flowers, chocolate, black fruits, and espresso roast."

"...it should be cellared for 5-8 years. Anticipated maturity: 2012-2025+"

"A mix of strawberry, cola, spice, smoke, oak, toast, mushroom..."

"Wild blackberry pie, Bing cherry, vanilla and barnyard nose"

When drinking wine, "barnyard aromas" are something I'd rather not have to think about. However, I'd love to get the rich flavors of cola, smoke, mushroom and toast into one bottle. There's your three-hundred dollars, I say.

If I reviewed wine, I'd take it a step further:

The aroma of springtime melon overrides the presence of a slightly froggy nose with just a smidgen of backyard dirt.

Or maybe:

A subtle, meaty flavor that puts one in the mind of Gaucho™ brand cartoned beef with a delicate finish of red Play-Doh and bananas.

It's So Effective

2005-08-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

This blog has a lot in common with Mitchum brand antiperspirant. Aside from smelling great and feeling slightly waxy to the touch; it's so effective, you could skip a day. And that's what I did.

Yesterday was pretty uneneventful, anyway. The highlight was Katrina's chicken adobo and the 5-layer Mexican dip I prepared. It all turned out pretty well. Hell, the term "5-layer Mexican dip," alone, brings with it promises of joy and happiness.

I also accompanied Katrina to mass yesterday. We were late and for some reason it was so crowded we had to stand along the side wall. Catholic mass is a such a scripted event with the only differences being the hymns sung and the 7-10 minute homily given by the priest. All the standing, sitting and kneeling happens on cue, as if intended to keep you from sleeping. But yesterday, the homily was actually pretty interesting. The priest spoke about Joel Osteen, a Houston based televangelist, and his world-famous Lakewood Church. Apparently he was interviewed on Fox News Channel and said his church's massive success was due to the fact that it is not "churchy." "We don't have crosses up there. We believe in all that, but I like to take the barriers down that have kept people from coming." That statement seemed to annoy the priest in big way, what with the cross being the centerpiece of the whole Catholic religion. The congregation also began murmuring to that effect. "Not only do we have crosses," said the priest, "but we actually put a dying body on it." He went on to say (which I also believe) that the Lakewood Church, and others like it, preach not the "gospel of faith," but the "gospel of prosperity," meaning if you believe and give money, you will have health, wealth and happiness in return. He also says that he minds that Lakewood calls itself a "church" as he sees it more as a "motivational center." He says he thinks they do good work as a motivational center, but when asked, recently, what he thought of the "new competition," he responded with "we're not in the same business." End of homily. He turned and walked back from his lectern. Then I saw something I've never seen at a mass. The congregation actually applauded. It was a strong and unanimously spontaneous applause, too. Now, I'm not catholic, but I do agree with him. I might even go further and say that many televangelists are frauds. Almost like traveling witch doctors that use God's name to defend their actions. They offer something they cannot give in return for something (usually money) which his target demographic generally cannot give, but do.

Oh, Well

2005-08-27T23:39:00.000-07:00

So much for seeing a movie tonight. We were going to catch The Aristocrats next week and catch a late showing of Groundhog Day at the River Oaks Theater at midnight, but then it began pouring and thundering and decided to stay home. It's been a full day, anyway.

Off

2005-08-26T23:22:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day off in about eight days. I slept like a bear this morning. It was nice and sunny, so I took a short bike ride to the grocery and bought some wine and a few things - only what can fit into a backpack and cooked out on the grill for dinner. Then, it was time for a little combat strategy action with Advance Wars (the first GBA version) on the DS. After that, I typed this.

And now, I'm gone.

*poof*

Nap Time

2005-08-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

It's 10:43pm and I just woke up from a two hour nap. I laid down my precious head at around 8:15 and woke up feeling refreshed, revived and re-energized. Just in time for bed! What was in that sandwich from Burger King, earlier? That's what my grandpa used to call the food at BK. "Sandwiches." Never "burgers." I guess it's correct, but I always thought it sounded funny.

Wherk

2005-08-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

It's really sad how there's nothing to discuss here other than work. All I've done outside of work in the last week or so is eat and sleep. And it doesn't stop today like I thought it would. It will tomorrow, though. At least I think it will. I hope to see The Aristocrats this weekend; that sould be fun.

Yay.

2005-08-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

I spent the whole day listening to people talk about pre-mature babies. That was the meeting we teched. Some sort of gathering of medical people. Kind of depressing, eh? I can't think of anything worse, really.

There was more work related weirdness, too. I just found out from my director that I was almost written up for not showing up for work on Saturday. I was like "What, HUH??" I was at work! I was told to be at a different property, but I was there. I was assured it's okay as it was a miscommunication on the managment's part. I was right where I was supposed to be.

Tomorrow sees me punching in from 6:30am-2:30pm making it a cool seven days in a row I've worked. Believe it or not, I think that's a new lifetime record. Not much to boast about, but it's true.

Two-fer

2005-08-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

The last two days were kind of boring, so it can all be neatly summed up in one boring post. I worked at the M. O. Campbell Center again for another teacher-based event. It was a smaller set this time, which was nice.

The hotel I work out of is hosting a week-long meeting for a bunch of the A/V Directors and Sales Directors who work for my company, so obviously we do the A/V for the event. Here's a chance for the Houston Hyatt crew to shine in front of the rest of the company since they're all gathered in our ballroom.

You'd think.

The LCD projector decided not to work. My co-worker who set it up swears he tested it, and no one doubts he did, but he was, shall we say, "apprehensive" to walk into the office where our boss and our boss's boss was still hanging out when I arrived back there today. Though I'm sure he did nothing wrong, he was still pale. I don't blame him. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? A little too ironic. There was an A/V mishap at the FREAKING A/V Directors meeting. Oh, well. Even the doctor gets a cold once in a while. Even the mechanic's car can break down. "Physician heal thyself," I suppose.

Tomorrow, I have the wonderful task of teching one mic and running a Marantz cassette tape deck from 8am-4pm. Money for nothing.

A Good Churchin'

2005-08-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

That's what I got tonight. A good old-fashioned Texas-style Baptist Churchin'. And, boy, I needed it! There was a church group in the main ballroom tonight having a banquet in recognition of their Pastor. I think it was for fifty years of Service. They even read a letter Fed-Ex'ed to the Hyatt during the event from the White House signed by G-Dubbya, himself. Between all the last minute changes and additions, it was a pretty hectic tech job. I was the sound and lighting guy for the night, and it certainly wasn't boring. I have to admit that some of the speakers were pretty damn, excuse me, darn good orators. They really know how to weave words and make people excited. I'm not sure, but I think I may have been Born Again! If not, then I was this close.

One of the highlights which almost made my head explode were the "Spirit Dancers." This lady came up to me with a CD player/radio boom box and asked if she can put it next to the wireless mic that was situated beneath the piano (which wound up never being used, anyway) for the Spirit Dancers. I said I'd patch it into the sound board instead, and she would come back to the tech table to play the right track when it was time. Well, the time came and WOW, did they dance in the Spirit! It was as though they were sending a Spaz-O-Gram to the Lord, and I think he got it - loud and clear. The Spirit Dancers (I have to assume "Spirit Dancers" is capitalized) rocked the mother-lovin' House!

Everyone was really cool in there, definitely more so than most high-strung, money-crazed corporate clients. And though I'm not a black southern Baptist, at least not yet, it was a pretty fun show.

As The Clock Strikes Three

2005-08-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

I didn't leave work until 2:41am tonight, so there's very little I feel like writing here. Tomorrow, perhaps.

Top, Carrot

2005-08-18T19:01:00.001-07:00

Spent the first half of the day teching a meeting in a chemical plant in a little town called Crosby, Texas. I don't know how they decided to use our company unless they used us before at a hotel somewhere. It was a little annoying because when we got there, we had to sign in at a security gate and watch a ten minute safety video before we could drive across the road and set up in a little office conference room. What could possibly go wrong? The video discusses what to do in case of some sort of emergency situation. Something about potential chemical spills and not walking down-wind, but cross-wind, keeping an eye on a wind sock to determine wind direction. My only concern would be which direction truck is so we can drive away.

Enough reading about chemical stuff. What you really need to do now is see the most hideous, soul-damaging pictures in the history of photography.

Yawn...

2005-08-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

We got back from game three of the series and the Cubs won the two we went to.

I have to get up at 5:30.

Thank you and good night.

Back to Minute Maid

2005-08-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight and tomorrow, we're going back to Minute Maid Park to see the Cubs take on the Houston team for what may very well be the last meaningful series for the Chicago. The Cubs are quickly running out of time in the NL wild card race.

I've always liked going to games since my dad took me to see the White Sox play the Twins back in 1983. That was not only my first game, but it yielded the only souvenir baseball I've ever had. My dad's friend, Arnie, caught a Luzinski home run and my dad scrambled and picked up Ron Kittle ball, cutting his arm, in the same inning.

Lately, I've taken to keeping score on a scorecard. It seems like only really old people do that at ballgames, but it's kind of fun and it keeps your head in the game and makes it more interesting. And if you're not guzzling beer and being an idiot like a lot of people do, staying interested can be a chore in some games.

President of the United States of America, Christopher Walken?

2005-08-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

First, let me say that this has all the benchmarks of a hoax, but according to http://walken2008.com/, Christopher Walken has announced his bid to run for President of the most powerful nation in the world. And why not? I've always held, firmly, that one of the villains from Batman Returns should be President of the U.S. one day, and it sure as hell ain't gonna be Danny DeVito. That leaves Michelle Pfeiffer and You-Know-Who. Now, eliminate anyone who was in Wolf and To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday, and I think we have a pretty obvious choice.

Besides, if America isn't a country where you can't use your wealth and fame to become its leader, then America is no place where I don't want to live (??).

Master Quest

2005-08-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Here's a geeky late summer post.

Lately, I've been playing the Master Quest version of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I acquired this GameCube disc as part of a bundle promotion for pre-ordering The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker back in 2003, but never really got around to playing it until now. For those who are unfamiliar, the Master Quest is a slightly different version of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, or "Zelda: OOT." OOT was originally released in 1998 for Nintendo 64 and is, I think, the pinnacle for the series thus far. It's one of the only games I've played that transcends the medium and delivers a concise story; great music thanks to Koji Kondo; remarkable, intuitive controls; fun gameplay and has lots of great character. The Master Quest was originally developed as Uru Zelda in Japan as an add-on for the ill-fated Nintendo 64DD. The differences include "remixed" dungeon layouts which are more difficult than in the original and, since it was released for the GameCube, higher 640x480 resolution. What's fun about playing it again is I can go back and play through the original dungeons and then play the same dungeon in the Master Quest to see what the differences actually are. Often times, it's amusing to see the little things thrown in there just to confuse you, especially if you've played the original game. As such, it's not always harder - just different. For instance, in one dungeon in the original game, you had to dive underwater to activate a drain switch to lower the water level, allowing a floating platform to pass low enough beneath a row of spikes for you to reach the other side. When playing the same dungeon in the Master Quest, after searching for over a half hour for some sort of drain mechanism, I realized you simply board the floating platform and duck beneath the spikes. You could almost hear the level designers laughing in Japanese somewhere. Probably Japan.

Missed a Day (flashback post)

2005-08-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep last night earlier than I anticipated, and didn't post here. Does this mean I'm losing my audience and my ratings are beginning to plummet? If this was a TV sitcom, this would be where the power goes out and the family sits around the couch and goes on a flashback trip. So come with me to the basement, foolishly lock the door behind you and let's jump this damn shark together!

Ah, yes.... remember that one time.....

Mmm. The very first post ever. If only we knew, then, the wacky, wonderful adventures we'd have after our families both moved in together.

WHOA!! That was CRAZY!!! A cockroach almost hit me in the back of the head, hahaha!

What's that? Of course I remember special guest star, Nathan Lane. Yeah, he had a pretty wicked cold. Now, if I recall correctly...

He was such a HOOT!!

It seems like only yesterday when I almost bid on that crazy speaker on eBay. Me and my nutty Star Wars obsession!!

Boy, oh, boy. That room upstairs sure is OUT OF CONTROL!!! I can't help but laugh every time I think of how Junior moved all of mom's beloved knick-knacks to make room for his nutty VHS and video game collection, and then the knick-knacks accidentally got given away to charity. I know he meant well, and that cantankerous lady at the Goodwill shop certainly set us straight!! I guess giving $300.00 to charity wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Uh, oh. Is that wacky neighbor raiding the fridge upstairs?? HEEYY, HEELLLP!! LET US OUTTA HERE!!! Oh, good here he comes!

Hey, we're so glad you came over to eat our food.... THIS TIME!! Ha ha.

Hey! DON'T LET THE DOOR CLOSE BEHIND YOU!!

D'OH!

Shelving Crisis

2005-08-11T23:18:00.000-07:00

As any collector of anything is aware, shelving and storage space can often be at a premium. My collection is mostly of CD's, games, some old VHS and DVD's, and I'm still running up against a wall - literally.

I know, it might not be so bad if I didn't have all those old VHS tapes. Well, I've already slaughtered that horse, now I have to sleep in it, so to speak.

This is just about all my CD's and DVD's. There's a few more spread about the place here and there. But where to put them?

I used to keep my CD's here, but I've way outgrown it. I know I could still use it for other things; but the problem is, I hate bleeding over from one shelving unit to another with a single format. Be it CD, DVD or whatever; it's just a picky thing I'm trying to avoid. Another problem is that the wire shelves can leave little grooves along the bottom of my cardboard DVD or CD sleeves. It's just an annoying thought to me, that's all. I could buy yet another large shelving unit, but I have no more room. I mean, there is that one corner in the kitchen, but... never mind. I guess I just need a house.

Mundane Post Part III

2005-08-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

This will complete the Mundane Post Trilogy, as it will no doubt come to be called by future generations.

What happened today? Not much, really. I just finished reading a story about a New York Yankee fan plummeting forty feet from the upper deck of Yankee Stadium last night. I don't know, it just seems par for the course for Yankee fans. Fortunately or otherwise, he was not hurt since he landed on the safety net. If this sounds mean-spirited, please know that he did it on purpose. He was then arrested and charged with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and a whole slew of other dumbass-related charges. Had he run out of D-cell batteries to throw from the upper deck at any non-Yankee human being within range, and while looking for substitute ammunition, found only himself? Had he actually confused himself for a D-cell battery??

Mundane Post Part II

2005-08-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

Today's one of those days where I try to think of something interesting to put up here, but fail on account of the lack of interesting things to talk about. And I feel too tired to delve into anything worth delving into.

I did go to that meeting, today. They gave prizes out to the guys who's names came up often enough in positive customer surveys in the first half. As I'm a relatively new hire, I wasn't really eligible for any of it. They drew ticket numbers at random and gave away Best Buy gift cards for twenty-five and fifty dollars. The Grand Prizes were a Nintendo DS and a PSP (Playstation Portable). I guess I'll make sure clients get my name and stuff.

Lastly, I have come across the Finnish version of the theme song for Duck Tales, the old cartoon from the 80's. As you can see from this website, it sounds like something totally different if you pretend it's in English. Turn your speakers up for a laugh.

http://uncutohh.ytmnd.com/

Mundane Post

2005-08-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

I was only scheduled from 3-7PM today, but I wound up working until 9:30 or so. Much of the day was spent on the catwalk. No, not as a model, cute as I am in certain get-ups, but as an audio/visuals coordinator pulling socapex lighting cable and five-wire video cable high atop an auditorium/gymnasium venue at the M. O. Campbell Center in Aldine, Texas (technically Houston, but I just like the Texan sound of "Aldine, Texas"). The event was a beginning-of-school year rally for teachers of the Aldine Independent School District, which boasts over 150 schools. There were about 5,000 teachers present. After the motivational speaker finished (they actually hired one), and the event ended, those educators cleared the hell out of there as though there were a 10-hour sale on red Papermates™ and three-hole-punches somewhere across town. Then we striked. I'm sure I was a sight to behold as I soaked thorough my polo shirt. Wrapping over 600 ft. of heavy 1-inch and 2-inch-thick cable will do that to a guy.

Tomorrow, I'm 'invited' to a meeting with the Houston region of the company to go over customer service and other things. I'm off tomorrow, but I'll probably go to be on the clock; and so I can, you know, learn about customer service and stuff. So, until then...

Magick

2005-08-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

Here's an old one. It's a picture of us from around 1992. I'm making my friend, Matt Denny, hover in the air with the magical, mystical power of the mysterious ouija board. Look at that expression of utter amazement on my face! Look at the expression of fear and terror on his! Just look away from the hair. Again, 1992.

Two Turntables and a Microphone...Actually, Just a Microphone

2005-08-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

I'm here working at the Hyatt in downtown Houston for the sole purpose of setting up one (1) microphone for a wedding thingie in one of the rooms downstairs. I got here at 12:00PM and the stupid thing doesn't even start until 6:00PM. That's almost eight hours for a single mic. Talk about extreme down-time. Good thing I brought the DS. Still, there're so many other more productive things I could be doing right now like working at a soup kitchen, counseling drug addicts or cleaning litter off the sides of the highway...... HAHAHA! Who the hell am I kidding!?

Guess The Land Mass

2005-08-05T22:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight we cooked out and took a swim in the pool. Then it was Mario Golf time, again. I wonder when this thing is due back?

Here's a contest for you geography buffs. Guess the land mass below the shuttle in this NASA pic.