What Subtle Aroma?

When buying wine, nowadays, I'm reminded of how silly wine descriptions can sound. If you've ever been to a wine shop or looked through any guides, you'd know what I mean. You can also watch the movie Sideways for more on the topic. We went to a place called The Houston Wine Merchant where I literally goggled at some of the $325.00 bottles they had on the shelves. I know they go even higher than that - way higher, in fact. I bought a simple $11.95 bottle, tasted some Pinot Noir and a Chardonnay and that was it. Anyway, here are some humorous sounding descriptions I've come across:

"Superripe aromas of bitter cherry, flowers and cola, with a suggestion of aged steak."

"...comforting flavors of cocoa and deep black cherry with toffee notes."

"Its inky/black/purple color is accompanied by superb aromas of white flowers, chocolate, black fruits, and espresso roast."

"...it should be cellared for 5-8 years. Anticipated maturity: 2012-2025+"

"A mix of strawberry, cola, spice, smoke, oak, toast, mushroom..."

"Wild blackberry pie, Bing cherry, vanilla and barnyard nose"

When drinking wine, "barnyard aromas" are something I'd rather not have to think about. However, I'd love to get the rich flavors of cola, smoke, mushroom and toast into one bottle. There's your three-hundred dollars, I say.

If I reviewed wine, I'd take it a step further:

The aroma of springtime melon overrides the presence of a slightly froggy nose with just a smidgen of backyard dirt.

Or maybe:

A subtle, meaty flavor that puts one in the mind of Gaucho™ brand cartoned beef with a delicate finish of red Play-Doh and bananas.