Random Movie Project: 'The Ballad of Billy Blue'

These cover sleeves for the movie Jailbreakin', and indeed the titles Jailbreakin' and Breakin' Out themselves (for a christian drama originally called The Ballad of Billy Blue) may be the most deceptive attempts to cash in on a famous name in the history of VHS B-movies. Although Erik Estrada famously appeared in another Christian action/Drama called The Cross and the Switchblade, a movie even I remember being shown at least three times in Sunday school, in The Ballad of Billy Blue, he appears in only three scenes, and never once, thankully, without his shirt on. You only get about five minutes of Estrada and about ninety minutes of Jason Ledger (??).


The Ballad of Billy Blue (1972)
AKA
Jailbreakin'
Star-Crossed Roads
The Legend of Billie Blue

Director: Ken Osborne



Summary:

The Ballad of Billy Blue is the uplifting tale of a famous country singer called Billy Blue (Jason Ledger) who, at the end of a long, exhausting tour is approached by his greedy manager to attend some PR party and really blow the lid off his middling career - all while a local gossip columnist played by Marty Allen (of the famous 1960's comedy team of Allen & Rossi) badgers poor Billy to get an up close & personal scoop for all his fans. He expresses his growing dissatisfaction of the whole show business life and, at the behest of both his manager and his gold-digging floozy of a wife, opts out and spends the next 30 minutes of the movie drunk and playing college pranks with his bast friend, Al (I think). After breaking into a local farmer's barn to steal a pig, Billy decides he wants to attend the party after all -- and bring his pig with him!

After an embarrassing display of drunkenness and glamorous ladies running away from a squealing pig, Billy gets confronted by his cold-fish wife in a darkened bedroom where an argument ensues, and, when the manager enters the scene to help settle matters, Billy's wife konks him on the head, killing the manager and Billy, left holding the murder weapon takes the rap for his wife who he, inexplicably, seems to love. As witness after witness enters the room including his friend, the gossip writer, the hotel manager, the local butcher and the mayor (just kidding about the mayor), Billy is soon arrested and is shipped off to prison.

While in prison, Billy meets a young, hot-headed lifer called Justin (Erik Estrada). One day, near the end of Billy's seemingly very short his prison sentence, the inmates are visited by a local preacher who brings the Bible to read to the inmates and try to, perhaps, save a few souls in the process. This is where it starts to become apparent that this movie has a decidedly pro-salvation message. Young Justin rejects the offer of religion, repeatedly saying the the only "freedom" he wants it to be freed of the chains on his feet. Later that night, he files the chains off and attempts to escape, where he is promptly shot and killed.

There's your "jailbreakin." All five minutes worth.

At the funeral, the preacher sits down with Billy and offers him salvation, which Billy gladly accepts. After the conclusion of Billy's term, he's picked up by his best friend, Al (I think), and immediately asks about the well-being of his lying, two-timing spouse. Against the wishes of all his loved ones, he goes off to find her and offer her his help and forgiveness at her new residence - a whore-house. After a highly animated "leave me alone - can't you see I ain't no good" speech she accidentally falls over the railing and falls down one story to her....something. All we see is an ambulance take her away.

Billy then wanders the streets when he stumbles up the steps of a church and becomes fixated on a big bright cross as gospel music jangles in the background. He breaks into tears and the credits begin to role over scenes of his new, happy life while one the worst (and best) songs I've ever laid ears on ("The Ballad of Billy Blue", find it if you dare) plays on and on and on and on.

The End.


Impressions:

This was a hard one to get through. The whole movie had that annoying claustrophobic feel of scenes shot in small rooms and not on sound stages; and not in that dynamic Scorsese sort of way, either, but in that I'll set the camera here, and you walk over there two feet and so stuff kind of way. Even the outdoor and concert scenes felt like they were shot in small rooms. None of this was helped out at all by the script, which was lifeless and had too much contemporary slang and and too many era-specific sets and costume styles to keep it from looking sounding extremely dated. I'd be surprised if more than nine people have even watched this movie since around 1980 or so, including myself, so I guess that's okay.

And as for the acting; laugh if you want, but I actually think Erik Estrada did a pretty decent job in this movie as a young hoodlum and total spazoid. His two-and-a-half scenes were dim highlights in a dull, dull movie - if that makes any sense. Marty Allen was a sweaty and oily as ever, too. And as animated as he was in this film, he didn't do very much to bring any zest to his scenes, either.

So there you go - the movie stunk.

But as always, I try to bring something positive away from the experience, and while the movie offered nothing in that regard, I did encounter a nice surprise while actually renting the movie. Behind the counter at Audio Video Plus, I spied an 8½×10 glossy of a certain perm-headed fitness guru. I said to the girl "wow, that's pretty funny that you have a picture of Richard Simmons back there." She explained that as they were cleaning out the stuff from their other store (which closed its doors, recently), they found boxes full of just really weird stuff. While my head practically swims with all the possible random goodness can come from the back storerooms of a vintage VHS video store, but all I could muster was "That's awesome."

She said I could have one if I wanted. I did not reject.

She went back there and asked if I also liked Evel Knievel. Though I wasnted to clarify that I did not acually like Richard Simmons, all I said was "I do." She came back and presented me with these:

Random Movie Project: 'Memorial Valley Massacre'

In the rich world of horror movies, there exists many sub-genres with suspense, slasher, zombie/undead perhaps being the three most popular. I feel, now, that with Memorial Valley Massacre, we can add yet another phylum: Ecological Horror.

Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)
Director: Michael C. Hughes
Written By: Michael C. Hughes and George Frances Skrow



Summary:

Memorial Valley Massacre begins with the opening of a beautiful campground and nature refuge called, yes, Memorial Valley. The land is owned by Allen Sangster (Cameron Mitchell), a greedy investor who, upon learning of mysterious wildlife slayings and carcasses found in the well contaminating the park's water supply while eager campers await at the gate on opening day, cares little for their safety and orders the rangers to open the gate and begin conducting business, anyway. (Jaws, anyone?) It is here we meet his son, and the movie's mamby-pamby hero, David Sangster. While David immediately begins wooing an attractive single camper, we get to meet some of the other vacationers who each find their own way to pollute the campground and endanger its delicate balance of nature. We have sex-hungry bikers and teenagers who discard their beer cans and the fat kid who like to tear up the trails with his three-wheeler.

This is where the campground's resident cave-hermit and, I believe, the movie's true hero comes in. He's a guy who subsists on the fruits mother nature has to offer, wears animal skins but still makes friends with the mice and rats in his underground abode. He was perfectly happy living a life of solitude, fully secluded from modern civilization. Perfectly happy, that is, until modern civilization came knocking on his cave door! (That was my poor excuse for a tagline) This is where the said “massacre” begins. In true caveman fashion, he uses what primitive weapons he has at his disposal to eliminate those who have attempted to destroy his fields and streams and bring unwanted chaos to his peaceful existence. All this makes for some hilarious and rewarding action sequences, especially the demise of the annoying fat three-wheeler-riding mamma's boy. We eventually learn that the hermit is actually the long-lost teenage son of the park's chief superintendent.

Impressions:

The title might have you believe that a madman would be on the loose in this serene setting killing campers and hikers indiscriminately. But you'd only be half right. You see, it is said that every story contains elements of at least one of the following conflicts:

Man vs. Man
Man vs. Himself
Man vs. Society
Man vs. Nature
Man vs. Technology

What can be said, then, when man treads on Mother Earth and comes up against the defender of nature? I guess we could call it “Man vs. Nature Man.” Then again, if you're an ecologist, you might call this a story of Nature Man vs. Society. Whatever you call it, you'd have to admit that Memorial Valley Massacre is one of the most entertaining, if not THE most entertaining eco-themed horror movies featuring a cameo by Cameron Mitchell ever.


**Here's an entertaining tidbit – the character “Deke” was played by an actor named Jimmy Justice who was in just one other movie in his short career where he played a character called “Deacon.” That movie? Beverly Hills Brats.