Random Movie Project: 'Nexus 2.431'

Nexus 2.431. The Spanish Star Wars. But in English. What's funny is that this movie was listed right above Niagara, the classic Marilyn Monroe film. Instead, I get stuck with a movie starring Oliver Tobias. I guess in some dark, despair-ridden regions of Europe, that name means something. Not to me. What is this movie doing there? I always get the feeling I rent these tapes and bring them out from their states of VHS hibernation, and for doing so, they punish me.
















Nexus 2.431
Dir: José María Forqué
Screenplay: Juan Piquer Simón, José María Forqué and Álvaro Forqué


Summary:

First, let me point out how difficult it is to write a summary when you can't understand what the hell is going on in the first place. The premise laid out in the film's intro is simple. Screwy, but simple:

In the Earth's future, the world had become very, very polluted. So polluted, in fact, that the Earth couldn't take it anymore and, one day, exploded! Right before the explosion, a select few sensed this would happen and were able to evacuate to a distant, dersert planet who offered solace in their barren equatorial regions.

After that, I went into a deep B-movie trance and lost my bearings completely. I know there was an Earthling king, of sorts, who had a beautiful (or what needs to pass for "beautiful" for the story's sake), mysterious teenage daughter. Some fat foreign dignitary wanted to take her as his wife in return for some much needed supplies or something like that. The King says she's far too young to marry, the fat dignitary says the King's full of shit, everyone gets angry, daughter eventually winds up captive on a spaceship, so on and so forth. Then there's this really effeminate guy (unfortunately, our hero) who's literally never seen a girl before, ever, and sits around his cave all day worshipping these three crystal knives. The mysterious daughter appears to him as if in a dream, gives him a kiss and his first ever glimpse of a girl. Having finally seen a girl, he decides he likes girls very much, grabs his three knives, ventures out of his cave and, enlisting the help of another really bad European actor, saves her. Just don't ask me how.

Impressions:

As I mentioned, this is the "Spanish Star Wars," but in fairness to Spain, this is actually a Czech-Spanish co-production. I hate to reel the Czech Republic into this mess, but let's face it - it's true. It used actors and crew from both of those countries, and some actors from the UK, as well. That's a pretty common practice in Europe; using funds and resources from studios and, probably, federal grant money from two or more nations to get a movie produced. That way, they can finally afford to use stock footage of planet Earth and then suddeny cut to a close-up of a firecracker exploding against a black background. I think the makers of this film actually blew their entire budget on the matte painting pictured below. I understand that the guy who did it is, in fact, talented.

The main thing I liked about Nexus 2.431 was the way it made up for its lack of actual quality with really, really ugly costumes. No, just kidding, it made up for it with an abundance of shots of greasy men staring at things. No, no - okay, got you again. Really, for serious this time, it made up for it with ambition. Raw, oily, nicotine-stained European ambition. I always try to find at least one thing about these movies I like, and I guess that'll have to do for now. It was ambitious.

I mean, somebody obviously put their heart and soul into painting the cardboard spaceships (not pictured).

Next week's movie: Page 16, line 3.

OKC And Other Stuff

I had to go out to Oklahoma City for work all last week from Saturday to Saturday. I was asked to go the day before I was to fly, so I had no real notice whatsoever. I always forget to bring a camera along when I go somewhere, and this excursion was no different. However, as you can see from the craptastic cell phone shots, OKC is nothing to write home about, anyway. Still I took the pics, so here they are. The first shot is from the Cox Convention Center where I mainly worked, and the other shot was from my hotel room. Also included is a shot of the truss line from which we hung lights and projectors in the Convo Center ballroom.

These next two are from our last trip to Audio/Video Plus where I rented the film to be featured in the next installment of Random Movie Project.

Take Care Of The Who?

I've decided to share an insanely long comment thread from a post I made in the Observe-O-Rama a while back. You can read the original adventure we had coming back from the airport after a trip home last summer here, but the real story was the discussion that followed:

Alan said...
Clint-If you had been trapped in a bad 1980's sitcom you would have been forced to wash the drivers car by your dad accompanied by a laugh track and a freeze frame ending where the credits would roll to bad synth music. "Taped before a live studio audience!"
Thursday, July 07, 2005

Clint said...
That's exactly right. It was one of those "made for TV" moments. The freeze frame would be of me right after I stepped into the bucket of soapy water.
Thursday, July 07, 2005

tony said...
With Patrick Duffy as your dad and Bronson Pinchot as the rude French bell boy.
Thursday, July 07, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-I believe that episode stars the incomparable Soapy Guinness as Clint. One of my favorites Thursday, July 07, 2005

Clint said...
I'll get Alan Thicke to start work on the theme song.
Thursday, July 07, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-I hear Ricky Schroder is available to play the best friend and I have Mr. T signed on to play the Limo Driver."I pity the foo' who doesn't take care of the driver!"I'm also working on a merchandising deal for Mr. T's "I pity the foo' who doesn't take care of the driver!" line tee shirts, coffee mugs, feminine hygiene products, cell phone ringers, the works.It's gonna be huge. Bigger than "Where's the Beef!"
Friday, July 08, 2005

tony said...
Don't forget, it also needs a really lame Atari 2600 or NES game based on the show. And a cereal. "Take Care of the Driver-O's!"
Friday, July 08, 2005

Clint said...
The video game will have you driving around the airport picking up passengers. If they don't "Take Care of the Driver," you get to pull them out of the van where it goes into a fight screen. From there, you can use luggage as weapons. Plus, the occasional buzzard will swoop down to harm you. Bats and scorpions, too. Why not? The cereal will be in the shape of little shuttle busses and steering wheels...with marshmallows. The box will feature Mr. T grimacing at the camera in a chauffeur's uniform complete with the bling-bling.
Friday, July 08, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-Good news Tina Yothers is interested in playing the girlfriend, but only if she gets to sleep with Mr. T during the production. She likes the dark meat if you know what I mean.
Friday, July 08, 2005

tony said...
Yes, Clint, you have the right idea. The game must not bear the slightest resemblance to reality or the original show, otherwise it just wouldn't be a licensed game. There can also be an overly elaborate promotion advertised in the box that involves attaining a ridiculously high score and photographing the screen, all in an effort to obtain a chance to "ride in a limo and be dissed by the real Mr. T."
Saturday, July 09, 2005

Clint said...
Imagine the disappointed look on that kid's face when he realizes Mr. T is a 300 pound intoxicated diva. The prize limo ride will be only about 30 seconds around the studio parking lot. Then it's "here's your 'Take Care of the Driver' lunch box and pajamas. Have a nice day, kid."
Saturday, July 09, 2005

Alan said...
Clint and TonyNegotiations are going well with NBC but they have one stipulation. They really want to call the show "Law & Order: Take care of the Driver." Which is fine within itself but I was under the impression that the video game people needed to call it "Grand Theft Auto: Take care of the Driver" or "Star Wars: Take care of the Driver" in order to sell it to the inner city 16 1/2 year old Jewish/Black male demographic of Denver. This could all be very confusing to the 45-47 year old Latina lesbian community that we need to make the "Take care of the Driver" feminine hygiene products a success.
Saturday, July 09, 2005

Clint said...
I was kind of hoping for Nickelodeon's "Take Care of the Driver and Friends Smile Hour." By the way, the focus group results are in and Tina Yothers is out. We're talking to Gillian Anderson. The show is being skewed more towards mystery/crime than crime/mystery.
Monday, July 11, 2005

tony said...
I'm getting word from CBS right now. They're keen on a new reality show called "The Driver." The idea is to have 12 dopey twentysomethings compete in limo-centric challenges, such as speed tipping and sweet talking. Whichever guys impress the limo driver the most at the end of each episode gets a rose and a free limo gift certificate. The grand prize winner at the end of the season gets a lifetime supply of rides (tips not included.) There's also been some buzz on a Ben Stiller movie in the works called "Takin' Care of the Driver." Ving Rhames plays the gruff driver and Stiller is the cheap limo stowaway who meets up with a cast of zany characters and manages to say the most inappropriate things on accident. Owen Wilson wil play the womanizing police detective. It'll be hilarious!
Monday, July 11, 2005

Clint said...
Please tell me Queen Latifah will play the sassy shuttle dispatcher. Also, we need Bobcat Goldthwait to play the hotel guard. He'll reprise his role as Officer Zed from Police Academy. He'll insist on being called "officer" though he'd been kicked off the force years ago. That's the running gag. If this script garners as much interest as I think it will, the sky's the limit with the cast.

This just in: The Game Show Network is ready to produce a show called "Who's Takin' Care of the Diver??" In this show, contestants sit in the "Driver's Seat" while the "Celebrity Stowaway" climbs in the back behind the tinted window and makes "small talk" about their career. The contestant who guesses the celebrity fastest gets "taken care of." Big time. Richard Karn says he'll host and we have Penn Jillette as a back up.
Monday, July 11, 2005

Alan said...
Tina Yothers is out? Um small problem. I may have already promised her the part during a particularly heated casting couch session and there may be a video tape of this encounter. This video may or may not be floating around the internet. In the video Tina takes care of the driver in the most creative ways that she can come up with. Hey, I was just trying to help her find her motivation, you know how actresses are. I was thinking that the controversy of the video would increase the buzz around the show, a la Paris Hilton. It needs to be said though if we need to start this strategy over with Gillian Anderson I won't mind putting in the extra work. In fact I'm sure that I could "working with" a couple of other actresses and we could create a "Take care of the Driver: The Casting Sex Tapes."We may have to take care of Tina Yothers in the Chicago way if you know what I mean (bribe her or kill her)so she doesn't pursue legal action. Either way the money could come out of the development funds so it's not a problem per say, just a business expense.
Monday, July 11, 2005

Clint said...
Jesus. This whole thing is getting out of hand. Let's not let this project self-destruct before it even clears the runway. I'm sure we could bribe Tina with just a couple hundred bucks. Heck, a combo basket from Long John Silver should be enough for her. You take Tina to Long John's, I'll meet with Gillian. Deal?
Monday, July 11, 2005

Alan said...
No way I want meat with, I mean meet with Gillian. Besides it's not that easy to find Long John Silver restaurants any more.
Monday, July 11, 2005

tony said...
This is outrageous. I say we offer Tina a Hardees value meal and nothing more. As for Gillian, I think she wants too much of the royalties. Thats no good if we make it into syndication. I'm already planning a script for the 100th episode. Celebrity cameos galore. And clips. Lots of clips.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Clint said...
HARDEE'S???You underestimate Tina. I say we get her to Long John's, and then over to Baker's Square for pie before it's too late. We need to cut our losses!!! What's all this crap about Gillian? Who the hell does she think he is? No one from Gilligan's Island received royalties. That's what made that show such a huge syndication powerhouse! What could be better than getting your face on TV long after the gig is up?? She's being ridiculous. We need to remind her how much the word "Gillian" looks like "Gilligan." Look at all the females from Gilligan's Island, now. They're all superstars!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

tony said...
Bakers Square? You fool! We don't have that kind of money to throw around. We have to pay Corey Feldman to do your voice in the PS2 game adaptation, and it ain't growing on trees. Plus, we've already sold as many "Driver Fruit Snacks" as possible. As for Gillian, maybe we need to let her go. I'm thinking going the Lindsey Lohan angle with Lance Bass playing you in the series. We take it to MTV and get Usher to do the theme song. That's hot.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Alan said...
Gentlemen-We are hemorrhaging money fast! If we don't get an infusion of cash soon we might just have to settle for a TV show with NO merchandising tie-ins. Nobody wants that do they? I have contacted Bob Geldof about putting together a "Take Care of the Driver" charity concert. Tina's band, Jaded is going to play. Cory Feldman is signed on to perform with Jan Hammer on keyboards. Phil Collins is interested. John Mellencamp has agreed to return to John "Cougar" Mellencamp for the event. The only catch is that he thinks that it is for produce drivers so everybody be careful what you say. This needs to be our primary focus for the time being.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

tony said...
Okay, I just got off the phone with Bono. There's a 50/50 chance he'll peform at the benefit. As for location, I'm thinking somewhere relatively inexpensive. Any ideas?I've got our stable of musicians working on a single for charity, "Takin' Care of the World." Let's work on getting Sting in on the action. He's a sucker for this kind of stuff. As for Mellencamp, I say we litter the stage with cornstalks, lettuce, and some watermelons. Really go all out for the produce driver angle.Of course, there will be a ton of merchandising opportunity. We've got the authentic "Driver" limo hats, tuxedo t-shirts, novelty hitchhiking thumb, and rubber wrist band with the words "One World. One Voice. One Driver." inscripted on it. DVD's of the whole shebang will be out just in time for the holidays.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Clint said...
Now we're talkin'! It's time we get off our lazy asses and become proactive for once in our pathetic lives. And we need to encourage the rest of the world to do the same. Mellencamp's in? Great! What about Willy Nelson? Someone needs to look into that!! GODDAMMIT, PEOPLE, I can't do EVERYTHING ALONE!!! Sorry about that, this event is stressing me out, already. That's why it needs to be fun. I'll call Super Dave Osborne's people. We'll see if we can arrange some sort of cannon stunt where he flies over the crowd into a giant lemon meringue pie on the stage or something. Maybe a French silk. I CAN'T FUCKING DECIDE!! I NEED SOME HELP HERE!!!!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Alan said...
I was thinking that the concert could close with a star-studded jam on The Beatles "Drive My Car" followed by an impromptu encore performance of Chuck Berry's "I Want to Be Your Driver."
Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Clint said...
Imagine all the huge names in that jam! I see something like this:

Piano: Paul McCartney
Piano: Elton John
Piano: Billy Joel
Piano: Phil Collins
Organ: Steve Winwood
Organ: Billy Preston
Keyboard: Stevie Wonder
Keyboard: Brian Wilson
Keyboard: The guy who plays for Brian Wilson
Keyboard: The OTHER guy who plays for Brian Wilson
Guitar: Eric Clapton
Guitar: Mark Knopfler
Guitar: Jimmy Buffett
Guitar: John Mayer
Guitar: Keith Richards
Guitar: Lindsey Buckingham
Guitar: GE Smith
Guitar: Lenny Kravitz
Guitar: Robert Smith
Guitar: John COUGAR Mellencamp
Guitar: The guy who plays for Mellencamp
Guitar: Whoever plays guitar for Coldplay
Guitar: Bonnie Rait
Bass: Sting
Bass: Flea
Bass: Paul McCartney (a little)
Bass: T-Bone Wolk
Drums: Ringo Starr
Drums: Phil Collins
Drums: Mick Fleetwood
Percussion: That bald guy who always plays percussion for these jams
Tamborine: Mick Jaggar
Vocals: Everyone
Thursday, July 14, 2005

Alan said...
Clint-We are asking Phil Collins to play drums and piano at the same time. I know at Live Aid he played in both London AND Philadelphia. This I gotta see.P.S. I know EXACTLY which bald guy you are talking about and it wouldn't be a tribute concert/all-star jam without him. But we also NEED Paul Shaffer to make it a TRUE tribute concert/all-star jam.P.P.S Have we decided on an MC yet? I was thinking Bob Hope or Jerry Lewis. "Hey DRIIIVVVER!"
Thursday, July 14, 2005

Clint said...
Well, Bob Hope is dead. Jerry Lewis has his plate full, but I was thinking of Dick Van Patten. People LOVE Dick Van Patten.
Thursday, July 14, 2005

Alan said...
Bob Hope is dead? So why does that discount him as an MC? With CGI and a good amount of footage anything is possible. What about Abe Vegota AND Beatrice Arthur? Now that's star power.
Thursday, July 14, 2005

tony said...
Fellas, I'm thinking about assembling a modern day odd couple. The new Martin and Lewis. I like to refer to them as "the Two Dicks." Yes, thats right, Dick van Patten and Andy Dick. They could MC for sure. Its the yin and the yang. Screw CG Bob Hope. Hope is out, Dicks are in!Think of the madcap hilarity onstage! We could have them doing skits in between sets. Vaudeville baby. Its all about the showmanship, and these two have it in spades. And we'll save a bundle in costumes since Andy Dick usually ends up running around in his underwear anyways.
Friday, July 15, 2005

Alan said...
They've gotta have a catch phrase. It's gotta be edgy, something we can put on a tee shirt and sell. Maybe ending every skit with the punch line "You don't know Dick!"
Saturday, July 16, 2005

Clint said...
This way, we can appeal to every demographic. I've talked to them both and we need to let Andy know that DVP WILL NOT appear on stage in a diaper while Andy wears his do-MAN-atrix leather speedo and whips him for being a "naughty little Dick."
Monday, July 18, 2005

tony said...
Why do I get the feeling that Richard "Dick" Lewis wants a piece of this action? Perhaps he could be a stand in for one of the Dicks. His harmlessly neurotic humor could be a breath of fresh air for the whole concert. And, if nothing else, he could host a charity auction by selling off old Boku containers with his signature on them.
Monday, July 18, 2005

Clint said...
Ah, Boku. His hair was longer, then. He going pretty bald, now. I'm pretty sure Lewis will be willing. The last time I saw him, he was on WGN Morning News promoting something or another. How low should we start the bidding on those Boku boxes?
Monday, July 18, 2005

Alan said...
What we need is a mixed drink to bring our cause to the attention of the people. The name would be "Take care of the Driver" of course. The ingrediants would be:

1. One shot of Stoli Vanilla Vodka
2. One shot pineapple rum
3. 1/2 Box Boku
4. 1/2 Box 7-UP
5. One wedge of pineapple

Served up in the boku box autographed by Richard Lewis. These would be served exclusively at the concert, at least initially. Then after the concert we could sell them premixed in the grocery stores.
Monday, July 18, 2005

Clint said...
I've been thinking, and Richard "Dick" Lewis might not be a good choice. His stage presence relied on his hair, and let's face it, it ain't 1994 anymore, fellas. Maybe we could "pipe him in" via saellite and put him on the big screens in between sets. Better yet, let's talk to the Flaming Lips about just showing him doing one of his rambling monologues (sans audio) in the background during their set. They're into all that weird, trippy visual shit.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005

tony said...
I'm getting the feeling you don't care for Richard Lewis much, Clint. But, lets put this all into perspective. Its all about the driver. Lets not forget his simple, yet heart-string-tugging plight. "Tip me!"I say we find (or build) the biggest f$!*ing coffee can we can and tell everyone to put their donations into it. And if they don't, Andy Dick will show up at their door wearing nothing but a diaper and a smile.
Thursday, July 21, 2005

Alan said...
Good news Rowan Atkinson is interested in making an appearance at the concert as Mr. Bean (he's a big Mr. T fan notice the A-Team sheets in "The Trouble with Mr. Bean") trying to take care of the driver with some pocket lint from his left suit coat pocket and a snot-covered hard candy from his right pocket. When the driver (Mr T.) doesn't find these peace offerings acceptable he pulls one of those "look at that" gestures and runs off stage. The only hitch is that he insists that the car be a three-wheeled blue model that must be flown over from London.This skit would of course be left off of the concert DVD as an "oversight" forcing people to buy the "Take Care of the Driver: The Complete First Season" DVD boxed set. It will be an extra entitled "Mr. Bean meets Mr. T."Fox is also interested in a Mr.T VS. Mr. Bean boxing match for their next celebrity boxing TV special. So I've started work on that project. Other tentative match ups include Roger Waters VS. David Gilmour, Axl Rose VS. Rose McGowan, and Don Johnson VS. Don Knotts.
Thursday, July 21, 2005

Clint said...
Mr. Bean? Hmm. I like the sound of it. Mr. T. was attached to this thing from the beginning, so we'll have to run it by him, first. I'm sure he'll like it. In the ring, he'll wear his Driver's uniform and shout "I PITTY THE FOOL WHO DRIVES THE MINI COOPER!" As for the giant coffee can idea? BRILLIANCE! What we need to do is after the concert, we'll inflate giant helium balloons attached to the coffee can and (after we collect the money, of course) let it float away as our message to the world. "Take care of the diver, planet Earth." We'll hope it doesn't fall on anyone's property. Or, we could even attach rockets and send it into space. Our message to the Universe!
Friday, July 22, 2005

tony said...
Well, I feel this thread drawing to a close, but if nothing else, I wanted it to hit 40 comments. That being said, the "Take Care of the Driver" craze is fallen on hard times. We're yesterdays news. The good news is that the benefit special was a roaring success. Andy Dick was barely clothed, so it obviously went well. The bad news is that most of the money went to the widows and orphans of dead limo drivers. Orphans, who needs them?Sadly, the licensed video games, t-shirts, cereals, toothbrushes, and novelty alarm clocks are all in the bargain bins along with the dvds. Now, comes the obvious task at hand. The comeback special!
Monday, July 25, 2005

Clint said...
Sadly, I have to agree with you. In this case, dreaming was 99% of the fun. It's really strange that I hadn't heard of this alarm clock, though. So, I went to a few local flea markets to find one. I looked everywhere and asked a couple of vendors who all seemed to scoff at me for searching for something so "out of fashion," so "last week." As I was leaving one market in Conroe, Texas feeling utterly washed up and dejected, I spied a little one-legged black man sitting next to a table of unwanted junk novelty items and cheap plastic lamps and avocado green kitchen appliances. I thought "what the hell," so I went over there to have a look around. And then, there it was, tarnished and filthy. Behold! I pressed down on the plastic Mr. T head on the top and heard the phrase, "TIME TO TAKE CARE OF THE DRIVER, FOOL!" Delighted, I asked the little man how much he wanted for it. No response. I asked louder and he still did nothing. So, I waved my hand in his direction to and he finally looked at me. He was deaf. I held the Mr. T clock, and he held up two fingers. After mistaking his gesture as a peace sign, I realized he wanted only two dollars. Two dollars! It was then the bitter failure of the whole "Take Care of the Driver" project came into agonizing perspective for me. Still, I dug into my pocket and remembered I spent three dollars and change for a corn dog and pop over at the food court. I only had about a dollar seventy left. I showed him what money I had, and he shook his head "no" and looked away. That was it. Leaving that alarm clock behind as I walked to my car, I knew it meant I have to leave behind an era of my life. "Take Care of the Driver" is over. Oh, sure, I'll produce the comeback specials, promote new Driver-related albums, help write pilots for new "Driver" TV shows and approve future "Take Care of the Driver" retail products, but it won't be the same. For now we need to focus on the present. We need to flee to a foreign country. Why? There are several dozen parties suing us. It seems we failed to turn dollar one in profit!
Monday, July 25, 2005

tony said...
But, in the end, it really wasn't about the money was it? Wait, nevermind. That was silly of me. The thing that we need to keep in perspective here, is that we made a difference. Dare I say, even helped to change the world. Yes, because every child that nagged their parents to get them a limo driver action figure complete with kung fu grip, removable jacket, and poseable arms and legs, knew that there was a moral behind all of this.Take the money and run like hell. Shine on you crazy driver.
Monday, July 25, 2005

Alan said...
Only one thing to do now. Wait for VH1 to call for our appearance on "Where are they Now?" Personally, I'm going with sexual addiction as my sob story.
Sunday, July 31, 2005

Random Movie Project: 'Palm Springs Weekend'

This is a definite change of pace from last week's creepy women-in-prison flick. It also serves to further confound those wily clerks at the video store.

"Hey, you know that guy I was talking about? The one who rented that 'Women's Penitentiary' movie? Yeah, well he's here again. I'll bet you he rents a gay porn or something. What a weirdo... wait, wait here he comes!"



Palm Springs Weekend (1963)
Director: Norman Taurog
Screenplay: Earl Hamner Jr.


The movie's in Technicolor, but this is one of the only pictures I could find.


Summary:

It's Easter weekend in Palm Springs, CA, and that means the resorts will be full of college kids from Los Angeles. This also includes a bus full of college basketball players, a Hollywood stuntman from Texas, a daddy's-little-rich-girl from Beverly Hills, and a tomboy-ish, sexually frustrated girl from wherever who just wants a man - all of whom seem to be vying for the attention of a member of the opposite sex with whom to enjoy a fleeting, Palm Springs Weekend love affair.

But can the local sheriff keep his blood pressure in check long enough to keep his own daughter out of trouble? Boy-trouble, that is...


Impressions:

What's the deal with teenagers and college-age kids in movies from the fifties and sixties? It's something that has been noted by many and discussed at length by the cast of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." That is, they all seem to be in their thirties. Often, they're older that that. Sometimes, they look like they're middle-aged. Let's take one of the members of the college basketball squad, and the comic relief in this movie, Jerry Van Dyke, brother of the brilliant Dick Van Dyke and coach Hayden Fox's hilarious assistant coach, Luther Horatio Van Dam on ABC's "Coach." According to IMDb.com, he was born in 1931 which would have made him thirty-two at the time of this film's release. Robert Conrad was in this movie, too, when was only a couple years away from his role as James West in the TV series "Wild, Wild West." Oh, well. I'm sure it's all about Hollywood politics. At least it gave me a chance to see the "young" Jerry Van Dyke in an early role. He was pretty funny. He even played a banjo! He tries to woo a young girl with his banjo-playing skills but is ultimately foiled by the hunky Texan stuntman Doug 'Stretch' Fortune (played by Ty Hardin) and his big ol' acoustic guitar. Classic.

As for the rest of this movie, it's a pretty mindless and silly comedy. It's pretty typical of the early-sixties teen comedy genre, before movies (and audiences) became as cynical and pretentious as they are today. It had a certain Beach Blanket Bingo vibe which is mildly entertaining. Except it was set in the desert, so there was no beach... or blankets, for that matter. Just swimming pools and patio furniture. What more do you need?

I actually stopped paying close attention about three quarters of the way through, so barring some scene I may have missed featuring voyeurism hi-jinks with full-frontal nudity or Jerry Van Dyke getting caught masturbating, I pretty much caught the gist of the story. It came to a fitting end with relationships forged, hearts broken, life experience gained and plenty of pool water splashed as Van Dyke gets pushed in at least four times.

D' oh!

Next week's movie: Page 404, Line 34

STEW-PENDOUS

I'm not sure about the story behind the panda thing, but I was present for the silly-putty phallus snapshot. There's no reason for 28-30 males to be behaving in this fashion, but this was actually a prank on our friend Kristin - we put multiple images on her camera while she was out buying food. What can I say? It seemed really funny at the time. It was over this last Thanksgiving break. I may or may not have personally fashioned it from gold and fleshtone colored silly-putty. We also may or may not have actually unplugged lamps and moved them around to improve the lighting in the living room for this shot at Tucci's house. This doesn't make me proud... but it makes me laugh.

As is a tradition with us, this was followed by a 2:00 am trip to the north side of Chicago for pizza-by-the-slice at Chicago Pizza pizza parlor.