Cockroach!

biggus-fuckinguglyus

Apparently, it's not abnormal for cockroaches to grow to unreasonable sizes in Texas. I guess everything is bigger in this state. In Indiana, they're pretty small. Not that I've ever had an infestation, thank you very much, but in Texas, I guess there are fewer inhibitive factors preventing them from growing to unconscionable proportions. I've already seen some nearly three inches long by over an inch wide!

Recently, as I walked outside on the rear balcony to take clothes out of the dryer, I perceived a strange buzzing sound coming from behind me. Before I could react, a cockroach literally swooped down (yeah, they fly), buzzed the top of my head at some 112 mph., and took up residence in the very closet where I was heading. Once I got a clear look at this thing and realized it wasn't a bat or some sort of playfully mischievous bird-like creature, I cautiously began approaching it. It clumsily began flailing around in the most hideous manner possible to find all six legs so it could stand up and face me - as if to intimidate me and challenge me for territorial rights to the washing machine closet. As a human being, having been born with natural dominion over all beasts, big and small, I heartily laughed at this gesture. I then turned around and went back inside making sure to securely close both the screen and the sliding glass door behind me to plan my next move. I figured killing it was pretty much out of the question. Only because it was so huge, the corpse would be pretty messy and would be a chore in itself just to clean up. After an hour of deliberating, planning and Googling pictures of insects - a human instinct if ever there was one - I learned that the female cockroach will secrete a sticky substance from her mouth so she can attach her eggs to virtually any surface. I think that says a lot about the debauched and vile nature of the American Cockroach or periplaneta americana as a species. Armed with this new information, I went out there again to investigate, and it was gone.

In the end, I think he knew better.

Update

Alright. Again, I've had family in town and again I've neglected this little corner of cyberspace for well over a week. Since I know everyone is eager for an update, one even going so far as to leave a scathing voice mail message demanding a review of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, I thought I'd post my thoughts on the film today. So, here it is:

I liked it.

Yeah, the dialogue was still painful and clunky in spots - especially the lines between Anakin and Padmé, but it was a more solid film and felt more like an authentic Star Wars episode than the previous two. Unlike the first trilogy, these movies have progressively gotten better.

Okay, then. At the risk of getting all "Leonard Maltin" on everyone, there you have it.

Skip the line...Fandango!

Welcome, 21st Century!

Sorry, Procol Harum. "A Whiter Shade of Pale" may be the greatest Hammond organ song of all time. I should leave the puns at home with the wife and kids. Unless, of course, no one got the joke, then I just sound crazy.

Anyway, I ordered Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith tickets at Fandango.com. That's the midnight showing, mind you. You gotta be dedicated. Though I have to admit, the Bib Fortuna mask usually comes off by the end of the second reel. I sent a letter to George Lucas promising to wear it the whole time, but with soda straw difficulties, not to mention the messy nacho cheese and Milk Dud drool all over the inside, it can get pretty smelly and uncomfortable.

May the Force be with you.

Tha Last Polka

The Happy Wanderers!


I really miss John Candy. If you were to ask me who my favorite comic actor is, it'd have to be a tie between Bill Murray and this guy. As a kid, It was John Candy, hands down. If you like John Candy, Eugene Levy and SCTV, find yourself a copy of the 1982 HBO mockumentary, The Last Polka, which I only recently realized was a spoof on Scorcese's documentary about The Band's final concert at Madison Square Garden, The Last Waltz.

The Last Polka was written by John Candy and Eugene Levy and is based on SCTV characters, Yosh and Stan Shmenge. It also has Catherine O'Hara and Rick Moranis. I rented it and made myself a dub (sorry, FBI). There's been a tape in my family of this, but it was recorded off of HBO back in the early 80's. I'm glad to have updated it. At least it's in stereo, now.

While Christopher Guest and Co. were doing This is Spinal Tap, Eugene Levy and other Second City players were on SCTV north of the border in Toronto. They'd later team up to make mockumentaries about dog shows, community theater and folk bands. I think The Last Polka is every bit as funny as This is Spinal Tap. It's just a little shorter and smaller in scope. Plus, where else do you get to see Rick Moranis sing a polka version of The Doors' "Touch Me?" If you want a copy, let me know and I'll send you one (again, sorry, FBI).

Grace and Katrina before the Cubs game. Never mind the single-cell organism floating above Katrina's head. 

Gracie preparing to destroy a camera 

A monkey behind the scenes at Houston Zoo. We had a tour thanks to a friend of Michael's co-worker.

Snake-necked turtle (I think) 

What's the use being a turtle when you've got a neck this long? 

This fox was apparently hung over 

Before all the primping and grooming 

"Hairspray" VHS: "Was $89.95 - Now only $19.95" 

Another great laserdisc at Audio/Video Plus 

Katrina and Gracie riding a bicycle made for two 

Cubs first baseman, Derrek Lee
 

Gracie and Katrina floating high above the field 

The view from our Friday night seats at Minute Maid Park 

I know, I know

I've been neglecting this blog for far too long, but it's been a fun and busy weekend what with Katrina's sister Grace and Michael coming down to take in a couple of Cubs-Astro games and a visit to the Houston Zoo on Friday. I'll post some pictures of these things, soon.

In the meantime, here's a picture of a laserdisc for sale at Audio/Video Plus. I showed off the local video store to Michael and he took this very telling photo which speaks volumes of how awesome, albeit expensive, this store is. The lady there tells me they have 80,000 titles in stock and that they are the oldest video store in Houston, if not all of Texas. It's been there for 25 years. They even rent BETAMAX tapes! One thing they're good for is rental of old television shows. They have around 15 MST3k's and well over 40 Dr. Who episodes for RENT. I rented an old Jeeves and Wooster episode (of which they have all) and I'll probably go back to check out some Black Adder tapes and perhaps a few Mr. Bean tapes, too. From Red Dwarf to about 100 Dark Shadows tapes to rent, they have it all. But be careful. A fellow can go broke, there.


$29.95??