Also...
Here's another anti-Yankee gem by Mike Nelson:
Yankee's Failure Complete!
The New York Yankees baseball franchise, now widely known as "baseball's laughingstock" has suffered further humiliation as their bitter, hated rival, the Boston Red Sox, secured the the title of World Champions on Wednesday night. The win further enhanced the Yankee image as a collection of trillionaire hot-dogging losers. Derek Jeter, whose lackluster performance dragged his failing team down to bitter defeat, put his team's failure in the proper context: "It's impossible to state in human terms how evil we are," he admitted. "If we lost our next seven trillion games straight it still wouldn't make up for the continuous string of foulness we've inflicted on an innocent human race." Asked if they might not have wanted to give us a heads up on their whole "destroy all good on the planet" project, Jeter stated,"We put Don Zimmer out there to warn you people, but you just wouldn't listen!"
"I'm a light-hitting, overrated failure with a pumpkin-like head," Jeter added.
Contact the Yankees for more information on their staggering failure.
Update! Yankees still not in Series! Failure stands!
The New York Yankees, who recently broke centuries' old records by losing miserably in the ALCS to their hated rivals, the Boston Red Sox, are as of today, 26 October, 2004, still failures. Their status remains unchanged.
Many Yankee fans were surprised that their characteristic thuggish behavior, including Herculean alcohol consumption and rampant battery throwing, did not lead to another hollow Yankee's victory. "I drank as much as I could and it didn't seem to help," said one dazed fan. "I mean, how many obscenities can one man scream out in a single season. I can only do so much."
"I threw a ball at an umpire's head in an attempt to injure or kill him, yet still the Yankees lost. Life is so unfair," said another.
"We deserve to win every single year," said Lisa Bontrier, a P.R. rep from J.R. Stockwile and Associates. "People from places other than Manhattan don't even have electricity, so they can't even see the games. Can't they just put on some bib overalls, play with their squirrels and let us win every game?"
Despite the disappointment of many fans, the Yankee losers could do little to change things. Hot-dogging failure Derek Jeter, for instance, is as much a loser today as he was immediately upon losing terribly in game 7.
Again, Yankees are still losers.
Yankee's Failure Complete!
The New York Yankees baseball franchise, now widely known as "baseball's laughingstock" has suffered further humiliation as their bitter, hated rival, the Boston Red Sox, secured the the title of World Champions on Wednesday night. The win further enhanced the Yankee image as a collection of trillionaire hot-dogging losers. Derek Jeter, whose lackluster performance dragged his failing team down to bitter defeat, put his team's failure in the proper context: "It's impossible to state in human terms how evil we are," he admitted. "If we lost our next seven trillion games straight it still wouldn't make up for the continuous string of foulness we've inflicted on an innocent human race." Asked if they might not have wanted to give us a heads up on their whole "destroy all good on the planet" project, Jeter stated,"We put Don Zimmer out there to warn you people, but you just wouldn't listen!"
"I'm a light-hitting, overrated failure with a pumpkin-like head," Jeter added.
Contact the Yankees for more information on their staggering failure.
Update! Yankees still not in Series! Failure stands!
The New York Yankees, who recently broke centuries' old records by losing miserably in the ALCS to their hated rivals, the Boston Red Sox, are as of today, 26 October, 2004, still failures. Their status remains unchanged.
Many Yankee fans were surprised that their characteristic thuggish behavior, including Herculean alcohol consumption and rampant battery throwing, did not lead to another hollow Yankee's victory. "I drank as much as I could and it didn't seem to help," said one dazed fan. "I mean, how many obscenities can one man scream out in a single season. I can only do so much."
"I threw a ball at an umpire's head in an attempt to injure or kill him, yet still the Yankees lost. Life is so unfair," said another.
"We deserve to win every single year," said Lisa Bontrier, a P.R. rep from J.R. Stockwile and Associates. "People from places other than Manhattan don't even have electricity, so they can't even see the games. Can't they just put on some bib overalls, play with their squirrels and let us win every game?"
Despite the disappointment of many fans, the Yankee losers could do little to change things. Hot-dogging failure Derek Jeter, for instance, is as much a loser today as he was immediately upon losing terribly in game 7.
Again, Yankees are still losers.
posted by Clint at Sunday, June 19, 2005
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