Spectator Sport?
Really, now. I don't see how any person can derive pleasure, or even mild bemusement from watching other people play cards on television. It doesn't matter if it's "Texas Hold 'Em," "Colorado Squeeze 'Em" or even "New Hampshire Honey-Glaze 'Em." To me, it's all just creepy looking guys with sunglasses sitting around a table. What am I missing? I understand the rules. I've played poker before. Heck, I think I even had fun.
Oh, that's right, I was actually playing.
I've even had some serious green at stake. I came close to losing something like $4.50 one time, so I understand the drama and the tension surrounding the game. But when I'm asked to care rather or not "Mississippi" Melvin has two aces in his hand on ESPN2's Amateur Poker Night LIVE or whatever it's called, that's where my attention begins to wane. When everyone waits with bated breath to see if Charlie "Big Thumbs" DuMont is going "all in," my mind turns to other matters such as "I wonder if you can still make decent toast with stale bread?" Either that or I'm just trying to get a good look at those thumbs.
No, those aren't the "Hey, check me out! I'm a total dipshit who's never eaten a vegetable in his entire life" glasses. Those are really his eyes. You actually begin to turn into a vicious reptile when you make a living out of gambling.
Interestingly, this guy has acquired the perfect "poker face" by training himself to never experience joy, happiness or contentment. He wore that same face at the birth of each of his children. He lives alone, now.
This guy doesn't do very well in the American competitive poker circuit. For years now, he has been lobbying the Poker Commission to implement "Kung Fu Poker," a game he has mastered. Sadly, he has thus far lobbied unsuccessfully.
Oh, that's right, I was actually playing.
I've even had some serious green at stake. I came close to losing something like $4.50 one time, so I understand the drama and the tension surrounding the game. But when I'm asked to care rather or not "Mississippi" Melvin has two aces in his hand on ESPN2's Amateur Poker Night LIVE or whatever it's called, that's where my attention begins to wane. When everyone waits with bated breath to see if Charlie "Big Thumbs" DuMont is going "all in," my mind turns to other matters such as "I wonder if you can still make decent toast with stale bread?" Either that or I'm just trying to get a good look at those thumbs.
No, those aren't the "Hey, check me out! I'm a total dipshit who's never eaten a vegetable in his entire life" glasses. Those are really his eyes. You actually begin to turn into a vicious reptile when you make a living out of gambling.
Interestingly, this guy has acquired the perfect "poker face" by training himself to never experience joy, happiness or contentment. He wore that same face at the birth of each of his children. He lives alone, now.
This guy doesn't do very well in the American competitive poker circuit. For years now, he has been lobbying the Poker Commission to implement "Kung Fu Poker," a game he has mastered. Sadly, he has thus far lobbied unsuccessfully.
posted by Clint at Monday, June 20, 2005
4 Comments:
Wow, that first dude looks ferocious. Wonder what magic shop he got those glasses from? Player number 2 looked like Billy Bob Thornton at first. But, I guess I was foolish to think he would sink that low. For now at least. As for the shifty-eyed asian player, didn't I seem him balancing a bowl of rice on his head in a Sammo Hung movie before?
He's wearing a "Secret School of Kung Fu Hold 'Em" Member's Only jacket, maybe.
As it turns out, the Poker Commission will allow the game, but they wanted to do away with the whole "killing guys you even remotely suspect might be cheating with a sudden flying poker chip to the throat" rule (okay, while balancing a rice bowl on your head, Tony). And this guy wouldn't budge.
I think the breaking point for Mr. kung fu is being able to use his hands for something beyond looking at his cards. Oh, and if that fat guy with the novelty shades doesn't watch it, one of his sausage arms is gonna get snapped in half by the dragon style.
Haha. The guy at the magic shop told him he could look through other players' cards, nay, their souls to see what's in their hand. "That's right, mister, only $1,799.99 and these babies are yours!"
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